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Interview With A Penguin

It is the heart-warming documentary that took America by storm, the story of Emperor Penguins and their fight to breed in the harsh conditions of Antarctica. Matthew De Abaitua caught up with one of its flippered stars.

DE ABAITUA
So how was the shoot?

PENGUIN
The conditions in Antarctica were very difficult but everyone was great to work with. It was a really rewarding experience. Emperor Penguins pride themselves on their professionalism.

DE ABAITUA
Your film has been used by right wing commentators to show how nature upholds family values. How do you feel about that?

PENGUIN
You have to realise that, first and foremost, I am concerned with fish.

DE ABAITUA
Surely you have an opinion about how your devotion to your spouse and your egg has been used to support arguments for Intelligent Design and the importance of monogamy?

PR INTERVENES
The penguin doesn't want to talk about monogamy.


PENGUIN
Actually, I will take this one. There is a scene where I stand around on the thick ice for about three months, incubating an egg in a flap of skin just above my feet. When I heard people talking about Intelligent Design, I had to laugh. Our breeding grounds are far inland, about 70 miles away from our food, which is in the sea. Where is the intelligence in that? Where is the design? Have you any idea how hard it is to walk with these stupid legs? If there was such a thing as Intelligent Design, there would be another animal in the South Pole - like a moose or a gnu - that had an overwhelming instinct to run a small mini-cab firm.

DE ABAITUA
What happens if your mate doesn't make it back with food before your blubber runs out?

PENGUIN
I hop into the ocean and get some fish.

DE ABAITUA
What about the egg?

PENGUIN
It fends for itself.

DE ABAITUA
That doesn't sound like family values to me.

PENGUIN
That's because you are part of the liberal establishment media. You are weak. You are soft. Can you survive on your own blubber for three months? I think not. If there is one lesson I think we've taught America, it's the importance of blubber. You can never have enough blubber. They say, "Intelligent Design", I say "blubber blubber blubber".

DE ABAITUA
I think you'll find only aquatic mammals like seals and whales have blubber. You're a just fat bird.

PR
Time's up.

March Of The Penguins opens across the UK on 9 December 2005.










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