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Clive James: "I was probably an extremely repellent little jerk"
Danny Dyer: "The house is so big, I haven't been upstairs in the last 3 months"
Judy: "I really enjoyed it, nerve-wracking though a first show is. It went by in a flash, and although I'm glad the first show is over, I'm already looking forward to show number two".
A1: "We think that Darius or Will should win Pop Idol."
Judy (to comedian Simon Pegg): "I never realised what a funny face you have!"
Richard talking about his age: "It's all falling part in here, mate."
Tracey Shaw: "I hardly ever use the 'f' word - especially not in business class."
Richard on gardening God Diarmuid Gavin: "He's copying Charlie - he doesn't wear a bra either!"
Richard: "It's cat poo coffee!"
Richard to Graham Norton: "You are a bit gnomish."
Will Mellor: "Everyone said to me 'Watch Richard, he'll make you get them out!'"
Will Mellor: "They all call me 'one ball Will' because of the storyline"
Judy: "Men are terrible. They speak a lot of bull.."
Christine Hamilton: "Men are transparent."
Richard: "My name is Richard, and I'm incredibly well hung."
James Nesbitt : "I'm all for the illusion that I'm a sex symbol."
Richard on Judy : "She's like a school ma'am, she knows it all!"
Judy turns her nose up at squirrel pie: "Squirrels are so close to rats, and I could never eat a rat."
Judy to actor David Warner : "I used to have a huge crush on you!"
Ana Ann: "I'm not looking for any Superman, just a guy who makes me feel good."
Nigel Havers: "I prefer Terry to Nigel actually. I'm changing my name to Terry Havers"
Alexander O'Neal: "If my fans want to call me a love God, then so be it!"
Richard to F1 ace Eddie Irvine : "The driving gets rid of the adrenaline, so what do you do with the testosterone?"
Judy on Richard's attempt at break-dancing: "You look like you're having a spasm."
Rik Waller: "I may not look like a classic pop idol, but the amount of young ladies who have come up to me.."
Rik Waller: "I like to play fair."
Vic Reeves: "I look like Shakin' Stevens!"
Judy on Jerry Springer: "He's the only man I've ever really enjoyed working with - apart from Richard!"
Jerry Springer: "I could be an English Lord, because every time people see my show they say 'oh my Lord!'"
Judy: "Football is incredibly tribal - I just don't get it."
Judy to Richard: "You just don't know when to shut up really..."
Richard to actress Tamsin Greig: "You have an interesting face."
Richard: "I'm a renaissance man."
John Lydon: "I don't need to swear - I have a big vocabulary."
Hugh Grant: "At Christmas I feel like the oldest spinster in town!"
Lynda Bellingham: "Young men are more likely to tip me the wink, but I miss it most of the time!"
Richard (to Samantha Janus.): "Where did you get that face from?"
Richard: "If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...it's a duck!"
Jeremy Spake: "He was called Dick- which I thought was rather appropriate!"
Richard: "When you make a Faustian pact with celebrity, you have to leave your ego in the dressing room."
Emo Phillips: "My wife is teaching me Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with less words for luxury goods."
Emo Phillips (to Judy): "You're a hot momma."
Richard (to Christopher Lee): "You don't look your age - what's going on?!"
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