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Mark's Honeys
Sophie
Sophie's now Mark's wife, but how did Mark, the man who once compared her to "Poland: manageable, won't put up too much of a fight," actually pull this off? Well, Mark first met Soph in the seething cauldron of raging passion that is Mark’s workplace, the JLB. Despite swastika love on a Post-It and worries over abnormal testicles, Mark is on the verge of testing out his mantra, "First fuck is damage limitation; in, out, as much pleasure as I can give her, apologise and move on", on a dirty weekend until they think Jez has died.
Sophie's now Mark's wife, but how did Mark, the man who once compared her to "Poland: manageable, won't put up too much of a fight," actually pull this off? Well, Mark first met Soph in the seething cauldron of raging passion that is Mark’s workplace, the JLB. Despite swastika love on a Post-It and worries over abnormal testicles, Mark is on the verge of testing out his mantra, "First fuck is damage limitation; in, out, as much pleasure as I can give her, apologise and move on", on a dirty weekend until they think Jez has died.
Their relationship then takes a nosedive when Sophie realizes Mark's been hacking into her email account. Jeff takes advantage of Mark's faux-pas and his romance with Sophie moves up a gear. Later Jeff and Sophie acrimoniously split-up to leave Mark to pick up the pieces. Just when it seems to finally be falling into place for Mark, Sophie gets promoted and moves to Bristol. He decides the answer to this problem is to ask Sophie to marry him, and a weekend in Somerset in a four star hotel, using The Sunday Times Hotel MegaDeal vouchers, gives him the ideal opportunity to ask.
However, a heart-to-heart with Jez on the moors finally clears Mark's mind, and he decides not to propose, but Sophie finds the ring and accepts his effective proposal before he can tell her about his feelings. Despite being adamantly against being trapped in a loveless husk of a marriage, he leaves his fate to the flip of a coin: "Heads, I marry, lifetime of potential grinding resentment, tails I stay here become a social outcast and turn my back on the woman I may very well love?" He got heads. Mark then jilts his bride at the wedding and after some JLB hostility the on-off married couple enjoy a drunken fling. When ‘Old Meg’ (Mark’s trusty condom) perishes, Soph believes Mark has got her up the duff.
Valerie
While Jeff's worming his way in with Sophie, Mark gets back in the game with teen-goth Valerie who he meets whilst he's putting ice cream in the freezer at a party. Even an argument over the merits of Peter Gabriel, and the arrival of Sophie and "seat-sniffer" Jeff doesn't seem to blunt Mark’s animal magnetism. "I've got to take Jeremy's advice more often. I'm out on a date with a teenage goth, smoking dope in the laser bowl toilets!" Says it all really...
While Jeff's worming his way in with Sophie, Mark gets back in the game with teen-goth Valerie who he meets whilst he's putting ice cream in the freezer at a party. Even an argument over the merits of Peter Gabriel, and the arrival of Sophie and "seat-sniffer" Jeff doesn't seem to blunt Mark’s animal magnetism. "I've got to take Jeremy's advice more often. I'm out on a date with a teenage goth, smoking dope in the laser bowl toilets!" Says it all really...
