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You may not remember much about a past event until you start talking about it. Then gradually it all comes back to you as one memory leads to another – the setting, the faces, the sounds and smells.

Associations can also block memories. If you forget a person's name, every failed attempt to recall it makes you feel frustrated. If you think about something else, you escape from the loop of negative emotions and suddenly remember the name.

You can use negative and positive associations to influence how people relate to you. Let's find out how.

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See also:
» The abandoned wallet
» The magic doll
» Are you feeling sleepy?
» Séance

When I get in the taxi, I immediately bombard the driver with a story about the wheel of a toy car that I've lost and how I've had a really silly day going round and round in circles looking for it. He is trying to think of how to get to the London Eye but I keep distracting him by talking about unrelated things. My talking becomes an anchor in his thought processes, always bringing him back to his inability to find the London Eye.

You can use this process to your advantage by creating anchors in your interactions with other people. When you meet someone, talk them into the emotional state you want them to feel by asking about something that brought them a lot of pleasure or excitement – a skiing trip, for example. This will recreate for them a sense of enjoyment similar to when they were actually on the piste.

While they are talking, keep doing a particular act in a natural way that their mind will register, but which they'll hardly realise they've registered – touching them on the shoulder, for example, or drumming your fingers on the table. This will create an anchor in their mind.

Even after they've moved on to another subject, you'll be able to bring them back to the emotional state they were in when they were talking about their skiing trip by repeating the anchor. Then, you can make them feel pleased to see you every time you meet.

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