What a long, strange trip it’s been: from Hollywood to Worthing in twenty easy steps:
1986 finds Max at the peak of his powers. He’s on the cover of Time magazine, he has hit shows in America and the U.K. The world is his oyster and digital switchover but a tiny grain of irritable sand gaining mass.
In late 1987, Channel 4 drops Headroom for trying to claim back dodgy cab receipts. Outside court a furious Headroom claims: “So you fill in a few fake taxi receipts yourself, it’s not the end of the world. There were loads I didn’t claim, so it more or less balances itself out. Ass-wipes!” After an audit, MTV and ABC follow suit citing ‘viewer trust’ as in important consumer issue.
In 1988, his show cancelled, Max finds himself opening for Ziegfried and Roy in Las Vegas. He is often seen after-hours on the Vegas Strip being chauffeured by a statuesque blonde driving a Ferrari 308 GTB. His behaviour became increasing erratic. He makes fun of Mormons and bizarrely, grapes. His stuttering and foul language upsets the lions to the extent that he is asked to leave the show.
1989. Max appears as guest MC on the 12-inch version of Bell Biv Devoe’s Poison. Briefly tours with band – renamed Bel, Biv Devoe & Headroom - before falling out due to a disagreement over footwear. Later that year, allegedly hits a horse. Settles out of court. Draws on this experience in the first of his novellas, I Hit a Horse.
Approached by designer Thierry Mugler to be the face of new men’s Fragrance Espace de Tete. Headroom declines. A decision he later claims to regret.
1993. Moves full-time to Europe citing ‘creative differences’ with U.S. Secretary of State Warren Christopher. Later that year, Headroom gets runner up prize in the 10th Turner prize with video installation entitled: Me Punching Horse. Blows prize money on a slap-up meal for journos, paps, and the entire cast of Cats at Garfunkels – inventors of the salad bar.
Evicted from plush Surrey swank pad after hosting first ever illegal rave party. Guests include Happy Mondays, a pre-op Pamela Anderson (then known as Peter Bugle) and the entire cast of Red Dwarf.
1995. Signs to Stock Aitkin Waterman’s Hit Factory, hoping to carve out a niche for himself in the pop/gangsta rap genre. Briefly associated with Easy E from NWA. Records duet with Sonja - ‘Going for a Black and White Walk on the Beach with you in Crucial Slo-Motion’. Of the creative partnership Sonja says: Speak to my lawyer. Subsequently invents the Blackberry but loses design down the back of the sofa.
Loses his LA mansion in a poker game with a young Richard Keys from Sky Sports. Legal action follows after Headroom accuses Keys of having ‘hairy hands’. Debts mount. Has the first of several ‘health scares.’
1996. Is named by ‘Hollywood Madame’ Heidi Fleiss as one of her key clients along with actor Charlie Sheen. Headroom narrowly avoids extradition.
1998. Invents the iPod while hiking in North Devon with Barbara Windsor – his long term mistress. Fails to register patent.
1999. Accompanied by balloonist Per Lindstrand, Headroom attempts to circumnavigate the globe in a Lotus Elan. Crashes in Bruges and has to undergo months of painful reconstructive surgery, mainly to his ego.
While recuperating in Belgium, in late 1999, Headroom rents Marvin Gaye’s old flat and discovers some original recordings hidden behind a boarded-up chimney. Accidentally burns them while drunk. A decision he claims later to regret.
Files missing or redacted.
2002. Arrested for attempting to sell fake Rolexes to George Michael in the men’s conveniences on Hampstead Heath.
Prison.
2005. Poverty reduces Headroom to selling off his personal possessions on popular online auction house. Teenager from Rotherham pays £7 (Buy It Now) for a complete collection of 80s editions Razzle and Men Only, nearly pristine. Headroom claims the exercise as an art experiment.
2006. Max’s application’s application to I’m A Celebrity Get Me out of Here, is rejected for a fifth year running. Even after he kindly offers to waive his fee, for a fifth year running.
2007. Headroom wins a beachfront property in online auction. Beachfront property turns out to be static caravan in Worthing. Develops addiction to the British hallucinogen Bingo, spending upwards of £15 a day on the habit. Ends up lodging in the Golden Rainfall Nursing Home when caravan electricity is shut-off. Is subsequently elected social secretary.
Is contacted by Channel 4 to head up their campaign for Digital Switchover. Takes several seconds to agree, demanding first a meeting with the suits at C4 to ‘straighten a few things out’.
