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Feature: Morning Monstrosities
Day 41, 07:17
Wednesday 07 July
They might be a strange, mis-matched group, but the housemates aren't really a bad-looking bunch... if you see them at the right time of the day that is.
Evenings, afternoons... you're safe. But woe betide those who catch sight of some of them in the morning!
Summoning all our courage, we decided to take a closer look at who is a waking princess and who needs to put a paper bag over their head... at who is fresh as a daisy, and who needs an early morning personality transplant...
Ciggies At Dawn -- Forget a cuppa, a shower, or an invigorating stretch, fag-ash Lils Shell and Nadia, reach straight for their nicotine sticks upon waking. That, plus fag-enhanced morning breath, and you'll be wanting to give these ladies a wide-berth till they've brushed their pegs!
Shell doesn't look too bad though - more like a bedraggled and bewildered child who's fallen asleep during a long car journey. Bless...
As for Nadia...
Dirty Dan -- The man who's long enough to be continued, is kinda scary when he's asleep, looking more like a Nosferatu dead set on sucking the blood from your veins. Ah Ah Ah!
In the morning though he's positively foul, engaging in vigorous nasal clearing. This involves leaning over the side of his bed, placing a finger on one nostril, and then the other. You get the picture... and it ain't pretty.
Dazed and Confused -- He's sharp, he's quick -- he's Mr Slick! Ummm... not so. Victor is as dull as a slug first thing in the morning and needs at least twenty minutes in bed post-alarm before he can move a muscle. You won't hear much scheming from this jungle cat until well after lunch.
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| Oh dear... go back to sleep Kitten... |
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The Tan Man -- Though he's been a bit slack of late, Jay has been known to greet the day with a vigorous workout, complete with bizarre facial contortions. Perhaps he's missing his early morning exercise partner, Vanessa? Despite her absence, he still religiously does his hair before hitting the hay and consequently doesn't look too bad in the morning. Well you wouldn't after 3 hours in front of the mirror would you?
Pretty as a Picture -- Michelle with her hair down SHOCKER! She really looks quite lovely first thing. Maybe there is something to be said for haemorrhoid cream round those crow's feet?
And so for the prize-giving...
In third place, Nadia. With her wild hair and slightly drunken expression, Nadia is no morning beauty. But her habit of plucking hairs out of her chin -- after she's had that vital cigarette -- is what got her on the rostrum. Ping...
The silver medal goes to evictee Kitten for her truly awful bedtime attire, resembling something Jim from the Royle Family would wear! And this pussy cat couldn't handle the light, pulling some horrendously hideous expressions in the mornings. No one needs that...
And the winner is...
Becki. Glamour girl she may be but in the mornings Becki looks like Medusa on a bad day. She gets up early presumably to save any of her housemates from turning to stone. Turn away now if you are of a nervous disposition!
Oops...too late...
Do you agree that Becki is consistently the most dreadful-looking housemate in the morning? Did we leave anyone out? Let us know.
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