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Does it annoy you you're now seen as an expert on Eurovision, when people should be asking you about the Tour De France, Rolls Royce maintenance or the cheapest places to stay in Europe?
It's occasionally compromising. I've sometimes had to cut an interviewer off to explain that the only Eurovision Song Contests I'm equipped to comment on are those in which one or more performers had their dignity and careers utterly destroyed. A couple of my nul-pointers - a Finnish rocker and an Icelandic indie singer - weren’t ashamed by their failure to trouble the scorers, but that they'd sung at Eurovision in the first place. I got on very well with both of them.
It's occasionally compromising. I've sometimes had to cut an interviewer off to explain that the only Eurovision Song Contests I'm equipped to comment on are those in which one or more performers had their dignity and careers utterly destroyed. A couple of my nul-pointers - a Finnish rocker and an Icelandic indie singer - weren’t ashamed by their failure to trouble the scorers, but that they'd sung at Eurovision in the first place. I got on very well with both of them.
Given the fact winning it so often almost bankrupted Ireland, do you think they're deliberately sending awful awful acts so they never win again?
If so, they should be careful. In 1994 - after three victories in seven years - the Irish sent out two dreary old geezers to take a dive. Plodding and drab, Rock 'n' Roll Kids was Ireland's Springtime for Hitler - a copper-bottomed, sure-fire loser. And one that somehow ended up romping home with the highest winning total to date.
If so, they should be careful. In 1994 - after three victories in seven years - the Irish sent out two dreary old geezers to take a dive. Plodding and drab, Rock 'n' Roll Kids was Ireland's Springtime for Hitler - a copper-bottomed, sure-fire loser. And one that somehow ended up romping home with the highest winning total to date.
Should Morrissey have done the Eurovision this year?
For everyone else's sake, obviously so. For his own career and self-esteem, it would have been a hiding to nothing. We'd have laughed if he'd lost, and if he'd won we'd have laughed louder. The last big British name to enter was Cliff, who famously failed to win twice. After the 1968 result he locked himself in the Albert Hall gents, and by the time the bad news came into the green room in 1972 he was already out of it on Valium. That's Cliff Richard we're talking about...
For everyone else's sake, obviously so. For his own career and self-esteem, it would have been a hiding to nothing. We'd have laughed if he'd lost, and if he'd won we'd have laughed louder. The last big British name to enter was Cliff, who famously failed to win twice. After the 1968 result he locked himself in the Albert Hall gents, and by the time the bad news came into the green room in 1972 he was already out of it on Valium. That's Cliff Richard we're talking about...
Would Morrissey have won it?
No. The Iron Curtain was still up during the high-water mark of his career, so those crucial East European voters wouldn't have known who he was. He's also let his camp-ometer slide in recent years. Only sledgehammer camp plays well at Eurovision: take that diamante Su Pollard/Timmy Mallet hybrid from Ukraine who came second this year, or those monster-headed Finnish berks who won in 2006.
No. The Iron Curtain was still up during the high-water mark of his career, so those crucial East European voters wouldn't have known who he was. He's also let his camp-ometer slide in recent years. Only sledgehammer camp plays well at Eurovision: take that diamante Su Pollard/Timmy Mallet hybrid from Ukraine who came second this year, or those monster-headed Finnish berks who won in 2006.
What are the key ingredients you need to win the Eurovision Song Contest?
A surname that ends in 'ov', 'ic' or 'ski'. I'm probably better equipped to offer advice on how not to score nothing. The typical nul-pointer is a single north European male, slightly over the pop hill - late twenties to mid thirties. He's also probably sitting on a stool, and smiling faintly. If this is you, stick to designing leather footstools or something.
A surname that ends in 'ov', 'ic' or 'ski'. I'm probably better equipped to offer advice on how not to score nothing. The typical nul-pointer is a single north European male, slightly over the pop hill - late twenties to mid thirties. He's also probably sitting on a stool, and smiling faintly. If this is you, stick to designing leather footstools or something.
