Priest Idol
Episode 3
A mobile placard is travelling through the streets of Lundwood bearing a picture of the Bible with the slogan: 'Now with 50% less stuffiness'. 'Is it an advert for Readers Digest?' asks one resident.
The marketing campaign is in full swing. Placards fill the streets and 'Church Lite' banners are hung outside the church. The grounds have been cleared and landscaped; greenery and flowers have replaced the beer cans and discarded underwear. The new 'Reflection zone' will be 'a welcoming, non-threatening retreat'. An interior designer has transformed a damp corner of the church with soothing colours and fabrics, soft lighting and candles.
Community relations
A nervous Father James unveils it to the more staid members of his Parish Church Council. Their response is grudging rather than euphoric. 'Well at least it's not like a boudoir,' says one grimly.
A sales expert coaches the council members. A garden party is staged to teach them how to bridge that distance with a prospective congregant. But this is South Yorkshire, not Wall Street. 'Will ye 'ave a raffle ticket then? No? All right then.' The sales expert shakes his head sadly.
And yet there is a sense of excitement as 'Church Lite' light bulbs and holy water spray are distributed house-to-house to promote the relaunch of the church. 'This is the biggest event here since the miners' strike,' says a resident.
A new dawn?
The launch day is a great success, with a brass band, barbecue and firework display. The following Sunday, the pews are overflowing. Father James, the Archdeacon and the marketing men have achieved what they set out to do.
Has God come back into the lives of the people of Lundwood? That remains to be seen. But someone has decided that this community is worth investing in and the people have responded. They now have a forum to address all Lundwood's pressing social issues in a building that is not dominated by lager and cigarettes. Perhaps in a year's time there will be a theatre group or a choir. Not so much 'Church Lite' but Church bright. They deserve it.
Join Father James McCaskill in a live webchat after the programme – at 9pm on Monday 28 November
