Priest Idol
Episode 1
'Heaven and Hell is a nightclub.' 'The only reason to go in a church is in a box.' These are the views of both teenagers and adults in Lundwood, Barnsley, and they are reflected in the dismal attendance at St Mary Magdelene’s Sunday services.
Father David Nicholson, the outgoing vicar, has reached the end of his three-year contract and the diocese is looking for a 'dynamic' replacement. There is only one applicant, a 32-year-old priest from Pittsburgh, USA – a country where seven out of 10 people attend church. In Britain it is less than one in 10.
Atlantic crossing
Father James McCaskill leaves his comfortable middle class suburb and arrives to find a shabby, dilapidated church and the grounds strewn with empty beer cans. He is greeted with racist graffiti and one pertinent message telling his God where to go. He ventures out into the pubs, social clubs and schools, and is confronted with apathy, sometimes hostility and the Yorkshire dialect. Difficult enough for an American at the best of times but impenetrable when slurred with beer or spoken through a mouthful of fish and chips.
But the diocese has not abandoned Father James. The Archdeacon has employed a marketing company called Propaganda – 'a god-given resource' – to help the church compete with shopping and football and give his new priest the †-Factor. As the Archdeacon says: 'We hope Propaganda is going to help us.' Marketing people Steve and Julian drive their satanic sleek black car to meet Father James. They want to aim for the over 50s – 'the low hanging fruit' – to raise attendance. But Father James wants his church to be filled with teenagers.
Performance management
For the Christmas Eve service he brings in the Priory School Pop Choir. This boosts the numbers and, to his initial delight, brings in some teenagers. However as local comedian Toby Foster could have told him, to get Lundwood teenagers to sit through a church service is 'like plaiting fog' and it takes a Barnsley woman to yank them out before they disrupt the service any more.
It is Toby Foster who, with one small demonstration, shows Father James the difference between a dry sermon and what makes people listen to what you say. Something we feel that affable but diffident Father James needs to study more than his Bible.
