Chat Ed : Welcome Omid!
Omid Djalili : I'm logged on and am happy to chat with you all.
lip : Hi there Omi babe
Omid Djalili : Come on then, I'll take you all on! Hi lip.
Baz : Hey Omid
mixed up mashed up : yeah lets go 4 it
Tahir : Does 'chonkidgordu' or what ever really mean large penis. Its so I can chat up iranian women?
Omid Djalili : Kireh ghondeh is the correct spelling and it literally means 'big willy'.
Burn : well you learn something new everyday
Omid Djalili : Works well in pubs, like in The Champion in Notting Hill Gate, if accompanied by a leather jacket and handlebar moustache.
Arfan : What do you think of irans chances for qualifying in for the world cup?
Omid Djalili : Chances are very good. Remember we put 17 goals passed Vanuatu, I think it was. If we qualify, we will surely get a friendly against England, hopefully at White Hart Lane where we will murder the English and I mean literally murder. There will be no football.
Burn : i think your live stuff is bleedin hilarious
ec : What are Omid's comedy influences, please?
Omid Djalili : I like to see myself as being somewhere between Michael Barrymore, Freddie Starr and Norman Collier. But go and see Tommy Tiernan too, he is on superb form (but nowhere near as good as me).
Matthew : Omid - you make everyday life seem somehow worthwhile. Did you ever lead a similar-ish life to Hoss?
Omid Djalili : No.
clear an argument up : Please clear up th argument 4 me. I dont thinkthat Omid was in The Mummy, but my mate swears blind that he was? You will put an end to a very long pubtime feud!!! Was it u that palyed the prison warden, i9f so I've just lost 20
Chat Ed chuckles
Omid Djalili : Yes of course I was in The Mummy. In fact, I appear in the first 55 minutes as the prison warden who gets killed by an evil scarab beetle. I also appear in Gladiator as Oliver Reed's slave trader (remember the line 'You sold me queer giraffes').
ARCHER : Classic line!!
Omid Djalili : I have sometimes been typecast as an Arab scumbag, but you will find that in the last Bond movie I was the 2nd oil pipe attendant - a major departure for me.
ARCHER : Would you 'sell out' and move to Bollywood?
Omid Djalili laughs
Omid Djalili : No, Sanjeev Bhasker has beaten me to it with lucrative offers as an Indian pimp, a role usually reserved for me.
suzan : suzan: agah omid, when are you going to have a stand up show?
Omid Djalili : Next big shows are in London at The Bloomsbury Theatre, Friday 28th September and Saturday 29th. They will be 2 hour shows, including a musician who is an Albert Einstein lookalike who will play instruments ranging from the fiddle to the kazoo. In keeping with the lookalike theme I will appear as Ronan Keating. As an extra bonus Leslie Grantham will be slain during the interval. Tickets on sale now!
jamie : Omid are u going to do more stand-up and is there a video maybe in the future
Omid Djalili : My contract with VVL is being re-newed. A video will come out when they think I am a big enough star, which they think will actually never happen. So, hopefully I'll give you an update in 2007.
TheboyCornish : Do you ever read your own reviews and what was the best/worst you ever had?
Omid Djalili : The worst review I've ever had was Edinburgh 2000 in The Scotsman by a lady called Jane Anne Purdy. She said that my act was 'incoherent' and that I was a 'bit part, Hollywood actor having a go at stand-up and completely unfunny'. My best review was 3 days later in The Observer which said that Jane Anne Purdy was a b**** and a w****.
Matthew : Have you ever been mistaken for Danny Baker? If so, did you attack?
Omid Djalili laughs
Omid Djalili : For a start, that is a major insult to Danny Baker! And secondly that explains why he's been stalking me for the last 6 months.
DVDfever Dom : What is the dance theme tune to Small Potatoes 2? I really need to know. It's fab!
Omid Djalili : I have no idea. Personally I think it's rubbish.
Growler : What was your first break into comedy?
Omid Djalili : My TV debut was on The Jonathan Ross Big, Big Talent Show in July 1996, when I won the Best Stand-Up Award. My comedy title then was 'the short, fat, kebab shop owner's son' A name I have subsequently dropped in favour of my full name Omid Abdul Abush Khalil Jabar Eskander Djalili. Next year though I will go by the name of Harriet.
Fang : Omid, how many jelly beans can you fit up your nose at once?
Omid Djalili : Um... how many porcupines can you fit in your jacksie?
mr_dom : how did you get involved with small potatoes 2 ?
Omid Djalili : I got a call from my old agents at TalkBack when we did the pilot in December 1998 - this was a few months after I had finished work on The Mummy and the part was tiny. I originally did not want to do it, but I thought I would just do the pilot and thinking it would not get a series, I forgot about it. It then went to series (to my astonishment) and I realised to my horror, that my contract stipulated that I had to do 6 episodes. Slowly the part was made bigger and for the 2nd series, bigger still. Small Potatoes 3 involves only me and the other 3 doing nothing except feeding me grapes, painting my toenails and hoovering my back. Of course the Iranian mafia have had some say in all of this, but I am not complaining.
papdx : Why aren't there any women in 'Small Potatoes 2', for example, why do we never get to see your wife?
Omid Djalili : The show focuses on an exploration of the 'loser' male. Involvement of women will detract from this very strong and apt theme.
timmay : oh! i had you all down as alpha male types
Omid Djalili : Also the actress playing my wife, had a very strong resemblance to myself, which the producers felt would give out a wrong message.
Omar : How much influence do you have on the script of small potatoes?
Omid Djalili : The whole Black Beauty running theme was my own idea. But credit to the writers, 99% was Sharat Sardana and Richard Pinto with producer Jimmy Mulville throwing in his oar. Many times the 4 boys together, we would chip in a little bit but it was mostly the writers themselves.
Chat Ed : Our half hour with Omid is up now, so last two questions now, thanks....
zahra : what about involvement of women in your spare time Omid? Are you free later?
Omid Djalili chuckles
Omid Djalili : Only if you have a tiny hoover, nail varnish and grapes. I can't believe anyone fancies Hoss!
suzan : its the sexy irainian confidence!!
Chat Ed : And last question now ....
Amir : do you have your own website?
Omid Djalili : Not yet, but some basic information about me is on the www.boundandgaggedcomedy.com site. Hopefully I will have a website in the next couple of months, but I have just been too busy, but thanks for asking.
TheboyCornish : LAter Omid, keep up the good work
DVDfever Dom : Will there be a Small Potatoes 3?
Omid Djalili : Unfortunately, due to Channel 4's scheduling, i.e. 11pm and 11:50pm, it looks like somebody there does not rate the show. Subsequently I have heard nothing about a third series, although we would all like to do one. But sadly I think it is coming to an end. It's been a great ride, I love you all.
zahra : Us girls are throwing our undies at you.We love a man who believes in himself
Yas : thanx for chatting
Alterrain : cheers omid!
Amir : Thanks for the laughs...
barni : bye from scotland omid
mr_dom : cheers dude
zahra : Please come back soon! xxxxxxxxxxx
Omid Djalili : And watch out for my next 3 films including: Spygame (with Robert Redford and Brad Pitt)in November, Mean Machine with Vinny Jones, opening Boxing Day and Anita and Me by Meera Syal. That comes out in Summer 2002.
Chat Ed : That's it! Thanks for that Omid - great fun.
Omid Djalili leaves the room
