Chat Ed : Welcome to this evening's webchat with DEBBIE MCMAHON. Debbie featured in tonight's episode of Making Babies the Gay Way, which explores the wider implications of living as a gay couple with children. What parental roles should same sex couples adopt and how does this affect their children? And how do gay families cope with the hostility and prejudice they face? A year in the making, Making Babies the Gay Way follows the intimate stories of four gay and lesbian couples through the trials and tribulations of trying to make babies: from attempted conception to the mayhem of life with children. Lesbian couple Debbie and George want to start a family. Debbie already has six children of her own. How do they cope with the difficult emotions caused when only one woman can have a biological link with their unborn baby? We spoke to Debbie and found out…
Debbie : Hiya I'm Debbie, the other half of George ("the old one" George has just said in the background!)
Bubbles : Hi Debbie!
murray : hi debbie
ellie : Hi debbie
Barrie Drewitt-Barlo : Hi debbie, congratulations on your baby
Drew : hay debbie, congrats!
Jack : Ive always wanted kids when im older, but im frightened of how they will be treated by other people, how do you deal with the narrow mindedness?
Debs23 : hi debbie, congrats on ur baby and wedding ;)
Debbie : We teach our children to be strong, not afraid, not prejudiced and proud of who and what we are.
Hicksie : nice wedding debbie!
PinkBen : Well done on the programme. Also for portraying commitment ceremonies in the right way like we do at Pink Product and Pink Weddings. Did you enjoy your special day?
Debbie : Yes we did, we loved it. We wished it had gone on for a lot longer.
Katie : Debbie, have you had to deal with a lot of prejudice and negative feelings with regard s to the baby?
Buff Gurl Shirley : do you get many bad comments?
Debbie : No... we've been really lucky. We were very surprised. We have had a few people look through us and pretend that we are not there and that the baby is not there, but we have also had complete strangers come up and tell us well done and being very supportive.
pinkheed : Your two boys seem very sensible and well adjusted - a great example to any parent anywhere
sarah : How are the children all getting along?
rich : your two boys seem very well adjusted / behaved...u must be very proud of your whole family :-)
Debbie : All the children get on really, really well. The older ones that weren't featured in the programme have all accepted Ellen as part of the family. The boys are still besotted with her and it's all come together as a family unit. Rich - I am yes, I'm very proud of the way they have behaved and the way they have portrayed themselves. They should both be on the stage because every time the camera was on them they were just really well behaved.
slinkysabrina : hello debbie, congratulations on the safe arrival of your baby girl.
Bubbles : How old is the baby now?
dinkums : how old is baby now?
Debbie : She's five months now and absolutely gorgeous.
Cookie : how is george, debbie?
SweetOne : i would like to ask debbie how things with george's mum have been since ellen was born? and how things have gone with george?
Debbie : George is fine. She's really happy and she's gone back to work now so we are missing each other badly, but she is sat here next to me as we are doing this webchat.
cezzabina : hi george
Smiler : hello 2 George 2
Debbie : Everything between me and George's Mum has resolved itself. We are getting on famously. It is amazing how a baby can bring people together and things with George are fantastic. George says hello back.
sarah : Ellen was a huge baby!!!
Debbie chuckles
Debbie : She was very big, it took some extensive repair work to put George back together and she has continued to stay huge!
love2giv : George's mom is so cool! But mine is more like Debbies....Debbie - what types of things did you tell your mom to get her to come around?
Debbie : Oh God! I think it was the change in me that convinced my Mum to come round. I had to be very strong and explain to her that this wasn't a choice - this is how I am. If she was going to be part of my life she had to start accepting it. Fortunately she loves George so it was a lot easier.
Rev Cynds : Debbie, do you feel that being featured on the program has made the whole process of george being pregnat and the time after more difficult that it could have actually been if you wee not on the program?
Clare : Would you do it again? Any regrets of being on TV?
Debbie : No regrets at all. Actually we have found that being part of the programme made things easier because we had to be more honest about how we were feeling and we had to communicate with each other more instead of shutting things away. We had to discuss it and be more open so I found it easier rather than harder. Clare - yes I would go on tele again, definitely in something that was as positive as this programme has been and yes if it was something that would help to make society more tolerant, I'd do it again.
baites : are you ok panning on anymore children debie??
Fiona : Does George want any more children?
Debbie : No more children for George, although we do go through broody stages every so often, but no means no at the moment.
hi : Debbie, do you think if you and George decide to have another child, it will be you that carries it?
Debbie : No absolutely not. I had to have caesareans for all my children, plus I'm getting on the old side and when you can produce a baby as gorgeous as Ellen I'm not going to mess with that.
Linz : Just want to say Debbie - just watched the programme and wanted to just wish you and your family all the love in the world - you and George are an inspiration, all the best!
yahaanahaa : Are you encouraged by your success and strength of your relationship after seeing two featured on the programme fail?
Debbie : Yeah we feel very fortunate that we were successful. Watching what the others went through made us feel very special.
bi-plane : How do you feel about not having any biological connection with Ellen, and do you think it will affect your care of her in the future?
Debbie : It was something I was worried about when George was pregnant and just after Ellen was born, but now we are sharing childcare because George has gone back to work I feel exactly the same about her as I do the boys.
Scott : How did you choose the father and how much contact will he have with Ellen?
Debbie : We chose the Father because he was a friend and understood mine and George's relationship and wanted to support us and help us have a baby. If he wants to see Ellen he can and if Ellen wants to see him she can. As regards to regular contact I don't think that will happen but it's always possible.
Peatta-tun : do you feel the new legislation will affect couples in the future from trying this ?
Debbie : Yes I think it will stop a lot of men donating. I think it will be a lot harder for lesbians to have a baby and I'm not altogether sure that it's a good thing.
paris : Hi - Do your own biological children see you partner as another mum?
Debbie : Jamie does definitely. William is a little bit more reserved, but they both treat her as a parent. So they come to her with the same problems as they come to me with.
Rob : do you feel that making babies the gay way is a breakthrough program that will change viewer's opinions? as an out gay teenager who may want to have kids in the future i'm skeptical about the message it sent out, as, particularly with the men, the producers just seemed to find the campest men they could get, thus confirming rather than changing stereotypes...
Debbie : The problems the producers had with finding gay men that were willing to participate was that they wanted to have both sides of the story. And as for stereotypical attitudes - you are never going to change them. I'm hoping that some positive message was sent out by the programme. I don't think Tony was stereotypical at all.
Anne-Elise : definately a positive message for me!
Thomas : debbie, thank you for appearing on the programme, I think it was very brave, but do you think the programme helped to promote gay parenting or not?
Debbie : Thomas, I'm not sure that is ever anything we are going to know. We have had feedback from people that have said it just looked like a normal family to them and that's what we wanted.
tash : As a straight parent of two I have nothing but admiration for the pair of you. Raising a baby in a straight relationship is challenging enough and I think you and george will do a wonderful job bringing Ellen up as a well rounded, open-minded individual. All the best for the future.
speckybecky : how do you feel about the people who tease your biological children because they have a lesbian mum?
Debbie : Oh wow, tash, that was nice. I feel very sorry for them specky because they are not growing up open minded - the teasers that is. And I just hope as they grow older they will see things a bit more rationally.
claire-sw : Debbie, I'm looking to be a gay parent myself....what would you do differently?
Cat : My partner and I want to have children in the future. Is there any advice you could give us?
Debbie : I don't think I'd do anything differently. The way it worked for George and I was right at the right time etc. It felt right for us. If you are going to be a gay parent everything you do to go about it has just got to feel right. Cat - Be open and honest with each other about your expectations. Be open and honest with whomever you choose to be your donor and just enjoy it.
Nat : As a teacher I discussed last weeks programme with my students (teenage girls) and I was proud to see that the most important thing in their view is love and commitment - you showed both!
mandy : debbie how did you and george meet?
Debbie laughs
Debbie : George and I met at McDonalds! She worked there and I used to go in and take the mickey out of her and she was impressed by my sense of humour!
chris Lvs jack : how did you go about coming out, when and how did people react ?
Debbie : When I met George I was so proud that she had fallen in love with me I wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but mainly we just held hands wherever we went. I just told people that I had met somebody and who they were and the fact that they were female. They reacted, mostly, in a 'are you happy, are you in love?' way. I replied yes and they reacted in a 'well then we are happy for you' way. So it was never a problem.
Scott : Could you have done it without the support of your family, especially your two sets of parents? I can't imagine my parents ever accepting a child I had in my (gay) relationship!
Debbie : We could have done it without it although it would have been a lot harder. George and I have been very fortunate as far as our parents are concerned as they really have supported us and hopefully most parents will just see a baby and fall in love with them as my Mum did.
Em : Debbie, do you recommend the committment ceremony? my girlfriend and i would really like to be blessed but neither of our parents accept us and we dont know whether to go ahead with it or to wait and see if they come round
Debbie : I would perhaps give them a little bit longer to accept your relationship - my Mum had reservations, she wasn't going to come at first. I explained that if I was marrying a man would she come and she said yes, so I said well that's your answer. Good luck to you Em :)
Chat Ed : Our half hour with Debbie is almost up, so last questions now...
alykat : You've raised children in both a gay and a straight environment. Do you feel there is anything fundamentally different to the approach of the parenting team as a gay couple?
Debbie : I feel with George and myself commitment to the children is stronger. It is easier having two Mums - two people to cook dinner! But no, fundamentally there is no difference between gay parents and straight parents.
Loz n Jenn : Congratulations on the programme! My girlfriend and I plan our thursday evenings around watching it. Its great to have support on a national channel
Jack : If Gay Weddings become legalised in the UK, would you do it again?
Debbie : Yes we would, we would love to get married legally. I refer to George as my wife but it would be nice if people in general and society had to recognise George as my wife.
angela : Do you think that more gay/lesbian couples now want children, I know a few gay/lesbian couples who still think this is wrong!!!
Debbie : I think they are more honest about the fact that they do want children. I think in the past it was ruled out that you could ever be parents. Society is now allowing the fact that gay people can openly admit the fact that they want children too.
Clairel : Thanks Debbie and good luck to you and your lovely family :O)
Georgia : Thanks for the program - it really helped
Rev Cynds : Thanks for joing us tonight debbie and george, take care you 2
Mummy : Bye Debbie and George. Hope you stay happy.
Loz n Jenn : Goodnight Debbie
Cat : Good luck for the future Debbie
Debbie : Oh wow, thanks to all of you for watching, the support has been amazing and we are so glad that you all enjoyed watching it.
paris : Bye - Take Care!
Keb : laters look after yourselfs
Sweetpea : Good luck! Look after yourselves!
Debbie : Thanks a lot everyone, bye for now and take care.
Debbie leaves the room
