Chat Ed : Welcome John :)
John - RELATE : Hello everyone - I'm John I've been a Relate counsellor since 1988 and a therapist since 1993 and I'm ready for your questions.
Dave : I'm 46. When making love when I was younger, premature ejaculation was a problem, but now it's the opposite - it can take me a long time to climax. Is this normal?
Powerful_Rogue : I suffer from delayed ejaculation, many people think its a good thing, but i find it really frustrating. I can go for hours and hours and hours, . Its starting to put me off sex. Is there any medication i can take to solve this problem?
John - RELATE : Delayed ejaculation can be quite frustrating. I don't know if you are in relationships but I feel if you approached Relate to see a therapist this could be of benefit to you and your partner if you are in a relationship. I feel it may be more of a psychological problem than a medical condition.
Smess : Dear John. I seem to climax far to soon. This is fine when I'm in my own bedroom, but when I'm with another man it's a tad embarrassing... Is there any kind of relaxation techniques or creams I can buy to help me?
tina Bruce : premature ejaculation can be very frustrating too, help!
John - RELATE : Smess...premature ejaculation is quite a common problem, you need to learn the point of inevitablility that you are going to ejaculate at. If you and your partner approached Relate there could be a suitable treatment programme to help you overcome your problem. tina Bruce - same answer really.
cidney : my marriage split up for the reasons that nearly split tonights coulpe, as soon as I voiced my oppinions he went, I know i have similar inhibitions as the woman, can this be treated on my own or do I have to have a partner?
John - RELATE : Obviously, inhibited sexual desire problems have better outcomes whilst you are in a relationship. However, I feel it can be useful for individuals who have problems to then become more relaxed with themselves. Relate offers treatments programmes for people in your situation.
Lucy : I have been with my partner for 6 years and have never had an orgasm during sex although I have faked it. Our sex life is now practically zero . How can I begin to change this? I'm only 22
John - RELATE : Orgasmic problems can be complex and need to be addressed through the assessment with Relate and through therapy. Hopefully, if you approach your nearest centre you will be able to learn to relax and enjoy sexual pleasure on your own and with your partner.
kate1 : please help me as I don't orgasm and i think its due to weak pelvic floor muscles
John - RELATE : As a simple tip you can do pelvic floor muscle floor exercises or kegels, which can help strengthen the muscles you have described.
kate1 : what are kegals
John - RELATE : It's identifying the muscles around the pelvis and the vagina and contracting them and relaxing them, you can do this in a chair, on the bus, anywhere. It's just exercising those muscles. But I still feel that the problem may be a bit deeper than that.
helen25 : I have absolutely no libido, im only 26 and have been married for 2 years. Is there hope?
John - RELATE : If you saw tonight's programme there can be hope for people who have a low sex drive. It may be that your partner has a high sex drive which is affecting your sexual responses. I think you need to have a better understanding of why you have lost your libido and fully explore the relationship with your partner, together.
Lydia - : How much does a sex therapy course cost?
John - RELATE : With Relate the cost is nill, however there is an expectation that you give a minimum of 4-6 hours on a voluntary basis to Relate. Although if you are an external candidate there is a substantial cost invovled. If you need to find out more contact your local Relate office.
helen25 : what is an external candidate
John - RELATE : An external candidate is someone who may work in the health authority who would need the training to be a sex therapist in their work. Alternatively it could be someone who applies specifically to work for Relate as a therapist.
dolly : Is it free to get counselling from Relate?
John - RELATE : There is a cost involved. That tends to be very much as a contribution. In my centre it costs approx 30 pounds for Relate to put the session on and we ask clients to make a contribution. If you are on income support the cost may be as little as 5 pounds per session. But if there are two professionals, the couple may want to contribute as much as 70 pounds. Basically it's negotiable.
David : Hi John. My wife claims that 'women don't need sex as much as men do', and that's why we rarely make love (once a month, maybe). I don't agree, and think it's more likely we have a relationship issue, though she disagrees! Any comments?
John - RELATE : Generally men's arousal levels are much quicker than females. Often men's arousal is determined by the erection, which as you know can be quite quick. Whereas women tend to need more time to reach that level of arousal. You need to communicate about your expectations of a sexual relationship. Hopefully you can negotiate this yourselves, but you may need to seek assistance from Relate.
zeebo : Is there any way to get counselling over the internet? It would make it a lot easier.
John - RELATE : There is a Relate website at http://www.relate.org.uk, or call 01788 573 241 - this is the main Relate number.
poesie : What are some of the most common reasons for decline of libido?
John - RELATE : There are many reasons... these can include traumas in childhood, children, tiredness, staleness within the relationship, complacency and taking each other for granted, fear of rejection, or intimacy, the list is endless really.
zeebo : im only aroused by specific fantasies, is it possible to 'train' myself to be aroused by straightforward sex?
John - RELATE thinks
John - RELATE : Well... this is a difficult one, I can't answer this one I'm sorry, try calling your local Relate office.
jayleigh : is your sucsess rate high for getting couples back to a good sex life
John - RELATE : The assessment process gives people understanding of their sexual difficulties. Of those couples going to treatments eg. recent surveys would suggest that 80% of men with premature ejaculation completed treatment successfully. However, all couples who take part will improve to a certain degree.
gillian : Bill and Anne looked really happy after their time with the therapist, it looked so easy. Is it?
John - RELATE : I think if you saw the show and you saw the traumas that they went through all the treatment and the sessions - the rewards are high, it's a lot of hard work, but it's fun and enjoyable.
Chat Ed : That's it folks! Thanks John - very helpful, and thanks for joining us tonight.
Derek and Clive : Cheers John.....
John - RELATE : I hope I've been of help to some of you. Good luck. Goodbye.
John - RELATE leaves the room
