Wandering around the Frankfurt Motor Show last week I had to check that I hadn't accidentally sat in a DeLorean and gone back to the 70s.

Almost everywhere I looked there was a bevy of attractive young women leaning decorously against a car, or a troupe of dancers cavorting around stands, trying to whip us cynical hacks into a frenzy.

Now I'm as pleased to see a beautiful woman smiling at me as any other sad middle-aged hetero male, but, come on, is it really necessary?

Unsurprisingly, those hopelessly unreconstructed Italians are the worst culprits. And as their car companies were mostly based in one particular hall, it became totty-spotting central.

But if a car is intrinsically interesting, the bolted-on glamour is entirely superfluous (are you listening Ferrari and Maserati?): if it's the dullest piece of automotive design (hello Lancia), our intelligence is just being insulted. So what's the point?

And as for what passes for 'entertainment', it was like being trapped in some huge audition for the X Factor. Yes, it was that bad.

There was a cheesy dance routine set to appalling sub-boy band pop pap on Skoda's stand; some kind of Lion Sleeps Tonight-themed nonsense to launch Seat's Tribu; and, worst of all, terrible catawauling from a talentless chanteuse on Suzuki's stand, slaughtering Can't Take My Eyes Off You. They should have given earplugs away with the press pack.

Thankfully, not everyone played the 'Whoo, let's have some fun' card, but of those who did, only one got it right.

Take a bow Mini. As it's been doing since BMW relaunched the brand, Mini's blend of youth-focused wit and hipness was pitched perfectly. Interactive games around the stand were mixed with DJ-generated sounds, creating the right environment to showcase the products, which this time included the new Clubman.

But as this kind of promotion is so hard to get right and so easy to get spectacularly wrong, perhaps it's time the carmakers forgot about it altogether and just concentrated on the product.

Then again, if they're looking for a good Welsh crooner, my rates are very reasonable.