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a 17 year old male asked the following question:

Question
I have a problem maintaining an erection when it comes to intercourse. I think it's psychological because I keep thinking that it will happen and that I'm letting my girlfriend down. Could this be the cause and what should I do?

Answer
It can be difficult not worrying, even when you have no need to. There often is no reason for this happening, other than, as you say, worrying that it will happen again will sometimes make it more likely.

It sounds like losing your erection is a reflex action when you are about to have intercourse. This is certainly a common occurrence, especially for younger men.

The way that you have written your question suggests that you can get an erection at other times. If that is the case it's unlikely that there is a physical reason for your problem.

In some way you seem to be putting yourself under a lot of pressure to perform. It might help to approach having sex in a different way. I'm sure you are aware that sex isn't just about intercourse.

One idea would be to spend time being intimate with your girlfriend without having penetrative sex. This might help you to relax and simply enjoy being in her company. Could you discuss this with her? You don't say how long you've been together - it could be that it will improve as you get to know each other better.

If you would like to talk to someone about this - or any other aspect of sex - you could call Sexwise on 0800 28 29 30 (7am to midnight, every day). This is a helpline for people aged up to 18. There is also a website at www.ruthinking.co.uk

I hope this helps.

question number 3682

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