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a 18 year old male asked the following question:

Question
I am a virgin and I'm going out with this girl. The problem is every time we have got round to having sex I can't get it up or keep it up. Also on these occasions I have been quite drunk. She says it doesn't matter and not to worry, but I find it very embarrassing. Can you help?

Answer
This is a problem that many young men suffer from at some time or other. There can be many reasons for not getting an erection and one of them is certainly too much alcohol. A few drinks can help you relax and enjoy sex, but too much alcohol can easily make it difficult to get or keep an erection. You might find that the problem goes away if you and your girlfriend try having sex when you are less drunk.

I'm wondering how you feel about having intercourse for the first time. It's not unusual to feel a bit nervous or anxious - could this be the case for you? Anxiety is another very common cause of erections disappearing.

You could try taking things a bit more gradually and not thinking so much about penetrative sex. If you spend time getting to know each other's bodies gradually, the focus will be less on your erection and more on the two of you giving each other pleasure. You might find that the penetrative bit just happens naturally when you are both feeling relaxed and comfortable.

It sounds like your girlfriend has been quite understanding. It's great that she isn't putting pressure on you to 'perform'. Communication is so important in any relationship and can help to make two people feel even closer. Have you tried talking to her more about this?

You might like to have a chat with someone who doesn't know you at all. Brook is a completely confidential sex advice and contraception service for young people under 25. Brook has a number of centres across the country, and has a free helpline, which you can reach on 0800 0185 023 (weekdays). When you do have penetrative sex, it is important to practise safer sex by using a condom. This reduces the risks of sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancy.

I hope this helps.

question number 15617

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