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a 54 year old female asked the following question:

Question
Following treatment for cancer my husband was rendered permanently impotent - as a result of which there is a lot of anger in our marriage of 32 years, although we still love each other very much. I need help to continue living with this problem - where can I go to find appropriate help?

Answer
You and your husband must have been under a lot of strain as you went through the trauma of dealing with a cancer diagnosis and then dealing with the treatment. This treatment has left your husband impotent and this is affecting both of you.

You say that there is a lot of anger in your marriage and that is very natural. I guess you are both angry that you have had to face this cancer, angry at how it has changed things between you and angry that you have lost an intimate part of your relationship. On the other hand you are probably telling yourself that you should be grateful that your husband is still alive and that you have no right to feel angry etc etc. What you are dealing with are complex and difficult emotions.

You may find it helpful and also a relief to be able to talk to someone such as a counsellor about what is going on. Your doctor may be able to help you find a counsellor or you may be able to find one through the hospital your husband was treated in. Alternatively you can find a private counsellor in your area by clicking onto the following website:

www.bac.co.uk

You may want to consider couple counselling with your husband, either after you have seen a counsellor on your own, or instead of. By doing this, it will give you the chance to communicate with each other and find out how you are both feeling. It may also help you to find ways of regaining some sexual intimacy between you. For couple counselling you can contact Relate on 01788 573241 or visit their website at:

www.relate.org.uk

I wonder if your husband has discussed the possibilities of taking viagra, or any other treatment, with his GP and whether or not that would help his condition. There are some illnesses (for instance prostate cancer) for which viagra can be given free to patients to help with impotence. For more information about viagra you can click onto the following webpage:

www.netdoctor.co.uk

The Health House sex magazine has an article about new impotence treatments. You might find it useful to read this. Just click here.

You may be interested in contacting the Impotence Association confidential helpline to talk to someone there. The number is 020 8767 7791 and it is open weekdays 9.00am-5.00pm. You can also visit their website at:

www.impotence.org.uk

I really hope that this helps you find some support.

question number 6944

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