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a 16 year old female asked the following question:

Question
Hi. I kind of have this problem, it's just well me and my boyfriend (we've been together two weeks) have now twice tried to have sex, and at first it's fine, it's just when he tries to get inside me, we can't do it because although at first he has an erection, it seems to have gone by the time we try to have sex. I was worried that I don't turn him on, though he says I do. I made a joke about him being impotent (which I now regret) but he took it to heart and just won't leave it. We have done other things and have no trouble at all. He is a year older, and he is a virgin, I am not. Could this have something to do with it? Or do you think he actually has a problem? I hope you can help - thanks

Answer
You and your boyfriend have been trying to have sex but he is having trouble maintaining an erection. You are worried that you are not turning him on but he assures you that you do and you are not having any trouble with other sexual acts so he is capable of maintaining an erection for that.

You ask if this is happening because he is a virgin and you are not and this could very well be true. For him it is his first time so he may be very worried about doing it right, and about his performance, especially as you have more experience than him. As he has lost an erection before it may make it even harder for him to keep it because he will be worrying. It can be like a vicious circle.

It may really help for you to talk to each other about how you are feeling and building up your relationship so that you can trust each other and feel more relaxed. It may be hard for you both to be honest and open but it will help you to communicate with each other better and will help build your boyfriend's confidence.

It may be a good idea to not try and have intercourse for a while and to enjoy each other sexually in other ways while you build your relationship.

You can get sexual advice from your local Brook centre by either phoning on 0800 0185 023 or by visiting their website at:

www.brook.org.uk

It is really important that you are practising safer sex and using condoms to prevent sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancies and Brook can advise on this too. If there is no Brook near you go to the 'Get Help' section of this site and type in your postcode to find a clinic in you area.

I hope that this is helpful.

question number 10710

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