"Life's full of dilemmas. Like 'should I give up my prime spot in the small room above a pub that's hosting an ace comedy night so I can get another pint and have a wee?' I was pondering that during Get Happy compère DAVID HARDCASTLE's preamble, but soon found myself so engrossed in another dilemma that I forgot the bladder / booze situation. That dilemma was the one described by the first act MARK RESTUCCIA, who suffered erection problems while getting his head massaged in the hairdressers. His act was like a Royal toilet - always polished but often filthy.
"Less polished in her stand-up approached was LOU SANDERS but, hey, that's kind of the thing at the moment isn't it? She had that edgy, slightly shambolic approach to comedy and, it turns out, driving. She once did that classic driving mistake: indicated left, turned right... into a ditch.
"The opening line from bearded young comedy disciple PATCH HYDE was skill. 'I know what you're thinking - Jesus', he said. 'But no. I'm not.' Patch's act was beginning to go so well that he started to josh with the audience, which led to a rare moment of silence. 'Hmmm, banter...' he muses. 'Gotta watch that shit - back to the jokes!' And we were back in the room.
"Names for a lady's front bottom often form the basis for monster belly laughs, and 'almost ginger' GEMMA LEADER was eager to let us know straight away that she didn't have a fiery dungeon. However, she explained that being on the ginger side did make her less likely to be sexually assaulted, which led to a gang guffaw.
"There seemed to be a theme emerging from the comedians - a bit of vitriol, and the liberal use of the C word. This peaked with TOBY BROWN, the man who's so disenchanted sometimes that his only reason for getting up in the morning is in case he witnesses Mika getting pushed onto a live rail. His body isn't a temple, it's a Lidl. Toby's views wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea, but everyone here was drinking beer, wines and spirits and rightly worshipped him.
"Suddenly, the use of the C word stopped - descriptions of genitalia became far more eloquent. Enter DR GEORGE RYEGOLD, the man who made me cry with his incredibly imaginative use of similes to describe a diseased scrotum. He didn't swear and his material was all the more disgusting for it. My eyes were watering for all the right reasons, but it has to be said that one woman left the room within the first minute after he singled her out.
"If you find modern chart ballads don't broach important emotive subjects like 'how does Superman operate when there are hardly any phone boxes around any more' and 'I'm sorry my birth made you incontinent, mum', then you need to listen to final act TOM ADAMS. Like the previous comedian, here was someone who gives you a fascinating character - Dr George was a sinister GP, Tom had that most effective of comedy character traits: he's an anti-hero; a bespectacled worrier with a side parting and a lack of social skills. We love him, and file into the night feeling better about ourselves. We got happy."
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