PROFILE

"The guy in the middle says " If you are Prince Harry, I'm your jug eared father""

"Danny de Vito has taken a bit of a stretch"

"In a desperate attempt to see the big match, Right Said Fred sneak in up Victoria's top."

"As the lead singer fall forward the backing singers try to suck her back onto the stage."

"At their latest meeting, The Society For Men With Two Penises get ready to watch a porn movie."

"The ageing Virgin doesn't know where to put his helmet."

"The LA Galaxy fans welcome Beckham by waving their inflatable Golden balls"

"the winner of the Tour de France celebrates with a bit of body surfing"

"On her walk-about at the safari park Yoko Ono gets the Zebra a bit turned on."

"These German conjoined twins were given a special uniform when they joined the SS"

"Amanda Holden says this is much more fun than riding Les Dennis's Chopper"

"Rooney caused offence when he said as a youngster he used to run riot in his Gazza Strip"

"The Jackass team plunge the depths of bad taste and decency by wearing WHITE socks with black shoes."

“Looking back through all the previous caption comp winners it surprises us that 4Laughs favourite renfrewbankie was absent from the victors list, but with a sterling one-liner he's now slap bang on it! renfrewbankie will now walk away with a swag load of goodies including a DVD copy of Jackass II and some Wolfmother merchandise.”   (cnorman)

"Beckham pleads with the girls to log on to CBeebies"

"It's the new Scottish boy band, Take This Ya Bas'"

"As they pee behind the bushes he is amazed at the Trailing Lobelia"

"At the look-a-like convention the dunces hat was awarded to the Mr T entrant."

"Please, once more, pull my finger."

"I'm sorry madam, I think your crabs are untreatable."

"It's the launch of the new fetish porn mag, "Salad Tossers""

"After receiving the lifetime achievement award, the Oompah Loompah's struggle to get the Oscar home."

"First day at training for Chelsea's new German signing, Jurgen Klingfilm."

"Sooty tries out his cloak of invisibility"

"One giant step for man. One giant leap for a kind of man."

"All Saints take miming to a whole new level."

"All Saints promote the new government scheme for Life size ID cards."

"2 down 3 to go as Michelle McManus tries to eat Girls Aloud"

"the lilo record attempt fails when Pete Burns is spotted second from the front using his lips as a flotation device"

"If you think your first date is too ugly you could pull the udder one."

"When Peter said he was taking Jordan to the Bingo he thought she said "wear the fox hat"."

"How stupid are those Americans, using Rocky's shorts as their National flag."

"I signed for LA Galaxy cos I've always liked French chocolate."

"just the thought of one night with Paris Hilton puts years on Baldrick."

"Due to a shortage of funds the next inductee will be the drummer from Def Leppard."

"why take one bottle blonde into the shower when three will do?"

"Russell Brand using nose clippers is like Bernard Manning drinking Diet Coke."

"Rolf Harris unveils the cover for his new porn flick "Anal Hospital""

"After Jade hit the big time as a 4 laughs caption, Danielle tried to steal the limelight by perfecting the same pose."

"The Invisible Man sneaks into The Big Brother House and gives Jade a mouthful."

"Brain of a goldfish and now the look to match."

"I like to keep up to date with the Hit Parade, but I prefer the Artex Monkeys to this Hip Op stuff. "

"Rio keeps John Reid talking while Rooney entertains Mrs Reid."

"So I said to Wayne that the cut in Corporation Tax has a direct corrolation to the current growth in inward investment."

"The highlight of Celebrity Big Brother is when Jo gets her nits out."

"Danielle struggles to get the hang of her new S Club Yo-yo."

"The Riot Police have a dress rehearsal before the Gay Pride march"

"After IVF treatment the world's oldest mother takes her new Quads to the sea-side."

"Three wishes if you rub my spout"

"His X Factor audition failed when he got the words wrong. "Somewhere over the rainbow weigh a pie""

"Hey Oliver. These Penguin Steaks are a bit rare. Take them back and bring me the Turkey Twizzlers."

"Who wants a mention on my arm?"

"The MacDonald Brothers fast food sponsorship is starting to take effect."

"These computer geeks went wii, wii, wii all the way hame."

"This Elvis impersonator not only needs his quiff trimmed but also his pubic region."

"Comedy lovers go wild as it is announced that Jam And Jerusalem does not get a second series."

"One Santa's trousers burst as he only empties his sack once a year."

"One jug eared visitor to Harrod's Grotto complains that it's not the real Santa Claus. "

"Charles says "thanks Emir, Mummy never lets me sit on her throne""

"The Emir wins round one of hide the giant cotton bud."

"That's what you call a flush."

""Do you still have Robbie's phone number?" Asks a desperate Take That singer."

"Alan B'stard presents best of breed at Crufts"

"Shane and Hugh get a hot foursome with no strings."

"The latest boy band tribute act is unveiled. Take Rat."

"The Corrie cast make an appeal for a pair of wellies for George Michael after his other pair got sucked off in a bog"

"George Michael feels at home surrounded by thespians"

"It's Mission Impossible trying to get Tom Off the gear stick."

"I told you I needed a booster seat!"

"The Spanish Karoake singer mis-interpreted the instruction as "follow bouncing the bull""

"Hugh Hefner's living will reveals the arrangements for his funeral."

"medieval its a knockout kicks off with"

"Regulars storm the door at Primark sale"

"In case of emergency, Jacko has grown a spare nose on his left shoulder."

"Selling these choc ices is like trying to flog a dead parrot. There's an idea for a sketch. Write that down Cleese."

"After inhaling the helium from the baloons the crowd go wild for Arnie's Joe Pasquale impersonation."

"Two hopefuls are ejected from the agency trying to recruit a Russell Brand look-a-like."

"Den and Angie return to Albert Square"

"Tonight Matthew, on Celebrity Stars In Your Eyes, I'm going to be Foghorn Leghorn."

"Graveyard Halloween party is cancelled"

"John Merrick scrubbed up well on Celebrity Beauty Salon"

"Kate Moss says "come on Pete you promised you would dress up for Halloween""