Comedy Ladder Position: 6
Points: 65
I write and I perform. The latest thing I've done was to win Radio 5 Live's World Cup Comedian competition. My aim at the moment is to get involved in writing gags and sketches and to be paid!
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Please help me someone. For God's sake. Please.
Step once more into the surreal mind of Tim. Leave your shoes at the door. You can't take shoes into a mind. There's no door either.
If you like prehistoric birds you'll love this.
The price of having any fun whatsoever at the office party.
Christmas can be a lonely time if you're incredibly annoying.
Inspirational comedy sound effects, featuring footsteps and a man talking.
J-cloths and their contribution to the comedian's art.
When monsters and fat people collide...
Here are six reasons why you should never invite me to your house...
How I defied the hub-cap collectors in Liverpool
Permits for hermits
Parking Party
"This is a photograph showing two man having a conversation. Both men are very silly."
"This simpleton is discovering that opening your mouth is only one part of the eating process."
"George Clooney's back hair gets out of control."
"Homeless people can't decide which chocolate to have."
"The press: Say fromage! Henry: FROMAGE!"
"PRINCES CHARLES IS THINKING: This takes me back to evenings in front of the telly with Diana."
"This is what happened when Rik Mayall misunderstood the Paparazzi shouting 'Alan', and instead heard 'Anal'. "
"The public is reminded to dispose of food more responsibly as rats reach shocking proportions."
"Blaine sings the theme tune from Panorama: Da da da, da da da...."
"A night out for knights looking for ladies of the night. "
"Behind every great man is a woman with a green balloon growing out of her underarm."
"Arnold forgets his strength and accidentally snaps his wife's arm off."
"The Queen and Duke of Edinburgh are utterly convinced by fake 3D movie glasses."
"The Queen and Duke of Edinburgh are stunned during science experiment when Lady Diana appears."
"Kylie does her first corporate gig at the pipe cleaners' christmas do. "
"Pete keeps his drug habit under his hat."
"As we can see, Kate Moss is quite short but Pete Doherty is still shooting up."
"Pete: When I said I needed a hit, I didn't mean hit me."
"Elephant: I bet she's got nice buns."
"Elephant: Make yourselves scarce lads. I think I'm in here."
"Elephant: I just popped out for some lipstick and look at all this fuss I'm getting. I hate being an elephant."
"Elephant: So pink elephants do exist!"
"This is why you should never have the hen and stag on the night before the wedding."
"There's someone for everyone on Internet Dating."
"A rare happy shot from the wedding of Liza Minelli and David Guest. "
"The newly weds blamed the photographer for capturing their worst angles."
"we join the action live from the bush tucker trials on 'I'm a cadaver, get me out of here!'"
"New album: McFly at G-A-Y - 'Plugged'"
"The G-A-Y audience is given a lesson in road safety as the new green cross code man is revealed."
"Not for the last time at G-A-Y that evening, one man helps another on with a skin tight sheath."
"I knew bands were getting younger but a nappy?"
"Launch night for the new clothing range from Matalan."
"Police identify the gang responsible for stealing clothes from outside charity shops."
"The Dingles are joined by Bert Reynolds for the Television Awards."
"A scene from the new film: The diary of Anne Frank. For birds."
"Pelican: (Big yawn) Ooh. You gave me a fright!"
"The bird world is rocked as pelican is questioned over illegal immigration row."
"Tony Blair seeks refuge in is wife's ever increasing gob."
"Airport check-in clerk: Before flying today I need to ask you some security questions. Did you pack your mouth yourself?"
"I can't remember. A bird in the mouth is worth how many in the bush?"
"A lot of people were surprised by the way Timmy's family chose to celebrate his funeral."
"First rule of comedy: Stop when you're frightening people."
"Defoe (as Hanibal Lector): I ate his shoulder with a fine Chianti... "
"Man in crowd: "You can't even bite anyone nowadays. When I was a kid you were allowed to eat the entire opposition!""
"Referee to Defoe: "You know ,West Ham players are not really made of ham.""
"David Attenborough: "Now the prey is supine, the herd gather to feed.""
"Commentator: "Following that bite, West Ham are down to 10.75 men. ""
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