"Balloon trees; A must for the 21st century convent."

"Man with blurred hand seeks a cure from the holy conker."

"Wan Roo-Ni arrives in Seoul."

"Big Brothers Big Mouth breeds like rabbits."

"A lots of people just could'nt take the Spice Girl comeback seriously."

"The Lilly Allen Laugh Association or LALA hold their first meeting."

"Lilly Allen's latest squeeze Gary Coleman was not happy that she was hogging the limelight."

"T in the park and a custard cream for these old ladies."

"Pussycat Dolls the longest running girlband pictured at the 50th Anniversary of Live Earth."

"Invisible weight-lifting had grown in popularity in recent years."

"Rickett-ridden quintet take the stage to show the effects of environmental change."

"Transvestite cave-men put on a show for the masses."

"A lost Roald Dahl book has been found: 'Charlie & the Yorkshire Dinghy'"

"Tabloid photographers swarm in as Liam is pictured being arrested for the 1000th time for looking grumpy."

"Liam and the police do their version of YMCA to pass the time before the museum opened."

"Nice-guy Liam was always willing to fill in for Sting when he was too tantric to show. "

"Spiceworld 2 in which the girls each grab a flag and hold it up for 90 minutes."

"Kids, and you too Arnie, I want you to witness this, my last point as Prime Minister."

"Arnie and Tony start their new careers teaching dance moves to school kids."

"Tony starts his new job as right hand man to Arnie in the newest adaptation of the Pied Piper of Hamlyn."

"Vince McMahon's WWE hits hard times."

"Auditions begin for 'Braveheart. The Transvestite Years'."

"Urban High-jump champ attempts to scale 5 storey building."

"A clip from the new movie, 'The Disappearance of a Chair & the Majority of Clothes in Soho'. "

"Mini arse legs, the new anti-falling device. "

"You said everyone dressed this way in Soho! HIIIYEAAA!!!"

"The beard-shooter strikes again, blowing the goatee off an unsuspecting shop owner. "

"Masked shop owner robs his customers at gun-point."

"I, the Fashionsta state that stripes are in this season, you have failed to comply, now you die!"

"Two knickers and two bras please. How much is it? How much!!!?"

"Gervais was regretting eating the 5th batallion as he attempts to pass Sgt. Shannon."

"Ricky was regretting eating the 5th batallion as he attempts to pass Sgt. Shannon."

"Ricky never took negative feedback for 'The Office' very well. "

"Soderbergh denies claims that they ran out of ideas for a plot for Oceans 13."

"Well it an arab country in the middle east, it is bordered by Syria and... oh that Jordan."

"Now that she has written a novel Jordan embarks on her next impossible task, becoming pope. "

"The Crystal Maze relaunches with Jordan as the new presenter & Harrods being the um, maze."

"All Harrods men carried a heavy Price."

"Whos going to be the unlucky contestant in the 1,682 man band auditions."

"I said: "Lend me your ears", not, 'lend me your guitars'. They don't even sound the same, whats wrong with you!?"

"Live Earth enthusiasts play a special gig before celebrating by smashing guitars over each others heads."

"John Cleese pictured holidaying in the 14th Century."

"The Rolling Stones embarking on their first tour of Britain."

"The Rolling Stones just before their first tour of Britain."

"The lads do their impression of the old twin towers at Wembley."

"No Steve it's ok we're not playing prison rules."

"Tony visits Prime Minister college &shows a group of 2nd years how to deal with bad press."

"So lads as Prime Minister you need to be able to return political shuttlecocks like so."

"The famous Cannes-do attitude helped Quentin to bag 4 beauties. "

"Quentins green hair extensions was proving to be a big hit with the ladies at Cannes."

"Five beautiful ladies, but one of them is a man! Can you guess which one?"

"Roman soldier helmets never made the most comfortable bras."

"And the winner of the flowers for a hand award goes to....."

"The touch of 5 young babes was enough to put Elton John right off his performance."

"Tony's resignation was taking it's toll on Cherie."

"Tony was always a fan of inter-gender tag team wrestling."

"The real Titty Parade."

"Invisible wheelbarrow enthusiasts pose for a photo with their pride and joy."

""We is all going to be in a caption comp-pem-pet-pen-tition". "

"The Boyzone reunion was beginning to look like a bad idea."

"Tourists guard their heads as they stand for a photo in front of a building made of sneeze."

"Membership has now increased to a whopping 5 in the Rural Hulk Hogan Society."

"The bunny is a little embarrassed as Alice releases an uncut version of her adventures in Wonderland."

"Adam uses his snake to good effect to draw Eve to him."

"Mrs. Smith forced her sextuplets to wear identical outfits well into their 20's."

"Escaped cons ponder how their 'foolproof' plan to pose as participants and run to freedom failed."

"Zebra's dressed as men prepare for the marathon."

"Archaeologist discovers that the oldest football ever found belongs to Peter Crouch's ancestors."

"Whale testicle lovers gather on the Millennium Bridge."

"Peep Show comedians love nothing better that crawling out through each others stomachs during the off season."

"Wall-shaped man evesdrops on romantic couple and jealous on-looker."

"Yoko enjoys standing under mini clouds of rain but only dry rain and requests an umbrella otherwise."

"Yoko imposes herself on documentary of man with umbrella. "

"Yoko displays her latest work of art. Its intitled 'Me standing on grass with man with umbrella just behind me.'"

"Balloon-like pods fall to earth spawning long-haired comedians."

"Bicycle Repair Man shocks onlookers by rushing off to the previous caption."

"Cyclists refuse to stop at just shaving their legs &decided to get the full sex change in preparation for le Tour."

"2nd place cyclist finishes joined 1st by hopping onto the back of the leaders bike."

"Tour de France leaders deny use of estrogen."

"No. For the last time Wayne you DO NOT have onion breath!!"

"Rooney:I head the ball with this part of my forehead. Haim: Do you?I head it more at the top of my forehead like this."

"The newly voted oldest babies in the world celebrate their victory in style."

"Tom always resented the unusual growth on his shoulder."

"Dick Turpin's descendants refuse to let the legend die & celebrate another holdup at their local."

"Charles uses his magical powers to freeze students to the spot."

"Student does his impression of the Queen the moment she heard Charles was marrying Camilla."

"Only the sight of a lobster is enough to calm Caprice down as shes caught in a chef sandwich."

"The chefs unique 'little general' was enough to put Caprice right off her food."

"Photo worshippers hail the photographer as the bishop carries a souvenir."

"Gary Coleman scoops his first Oscar."

"Golfer goes 40 miles out of bounds but refuses to take a drop shot."

"Do you like running through cobwebs? Post answers on your chest."

"Our new policy for offenders is to cut their penis off while my colleagues sing the penis song, like so..."

"Scissor Sisters scissor-kicking cuts the stage in half. "

"You put it in your mouth, light it and inhale. Does it say if you swallow it? "

"The hours of snow-bathing paid off as model rids herself of unsightly tan."

"Man is arrested for sexual assault on a snow-woman."

"Jack Frost makes a wife."

"Trout kills worm. The worm-loving Aussies take matters into their own hands. The witch-hunt continues."

"Pete Burns lips appear to be very popular in Australia. Everyone has a pair."

"Hundreds of non-fishtailed, non-swimming mermaids emerge out of the water."

"The Welsh Steve-o attempts to hold 2 bottles of milk while smiling for the camera."

"Farmers cut out the middle-man by getting rid of their cows and growing milk in their fields."

"One is a fox the other has fleas."

"The ad said that they needed someone foxy to front the Foxy Bingo campaign. Someone got the wrong idea,but who?"

"Beckham says he is delighted with his transfer to America & cant wait to pull on the stars &stripes of the national side"

"The I.Q. Challenged wing of Madam Tussauds opens in America."

"George W. requests a sign written in English to welcome the Beckhams as he advised he can only speak 'American'."

"Paris is going to Vienna, London is taking Madrid on a city break to Prague & Berlin is skiing in Toronto."

"The all night parties were beginning to take there toll on Paris' looks."

"Terry Bozzio wins black leather glove in the 'Rockstar Holding a Picture' competition."

"Rock stars finish 1st, 2nd and 3rd in art competition but deny any claims of copying."

"Hey Slash, try holding it like this its great."

"Hef has been shrunken to the size of a Barbie."

"'Pool fan Sly gets ready to take out the woman over his right shoulder."

"Wherever there is a disgruntled driver whos carhorn isn't working. Honkman will be there!!"

"You're wrong! Darwins evolutionary theories are as relavent today as they ever were!"

"Bob admits that the whole campaign was a ploy just to sit next to Gordon Brown."

"Bob agrees to try his hand as chancellor if Gordon agrees to reform The Boomtown Rats."

"Bob cant resist practicing his swimming strokes for his celebratory swim down the Tyne."

"If Elton John dressed the elderly....."

"Lady uses girls head as a button."

"Gary Glitters complete fanbase gather in London for a New Years vigil."

"Baby Rights: Babies of all ages celebrate the news that a new law has passed allowing them to drive cars, buy houses etc"

"Environmental changes have caused babies to be born in their 60's."

"Kyle plays the note that makes Jack point."

"Are those my fingers?"

"Hey! You're not Kyle Gass you his evil twin Kyle Glass."

"That has to be the most rockin baby finger I have ever seen!"

"Alan B'stard for prime minister again....for once."

"I can't believe they took off while I was still fixing the wheel!"

"Coiled spring maintenance,you never know where you'll end up. I started off in a garage in California!!"

"Michael tries to undo his gay phase by having a 16some with only 2 other men and 1 debatible."

"The coronation of the queen. "

"George Michaels total fanclub meet their hero in a public lavatory."

"George continues to hide from the media hounds. This time he tries to pass himself off as a member of Corrie."

"George poses with the cast of Corrie directly after his lewd act it The Rovers bathroom."

"Tom just hates when they put him in the baby seat."

"The Knights arrive for the 5-a-side."

"The lads arrive for the 5-a-side."

"4 non-bonds: all four were turned down when they auditioned for the role of 'bond girl'"

"Yes Michael we see your right hand but wheres your left? "

"Madam Taussaud's waxworks get a rare public outing."

"Arnie articulates a sentence all by himself to much jubilation."

"The bloated testicles of Arnies steroid taking buds were released to celebrate his victory at the polls."

"The Liza Minelli/Bigbird rumours look to be true as their chicks are spotted live onstage."

"..."Some people dress in fur others dress in leathers, we just like going onstage and growing loads of feathers. ""

"Fine birds!"

"The girls being consummate professionals would not cancel the show even as they turned into birds live onstage."

"Antichrist begins his regime of eating 2 of every animal."

"These doctors adopt the rather unorthadox strategy of shooting their patients better."

"If The A-Team went to college.... "

"Man was admitted to hospital after strange growth on hand turns out to be elephant."

"Dramatic News Ltd: Elephant savagely looks at shop and pulls man along with his ear. "

"Man goes on rampage and drags an elephant along for the ride."

"A little advice if her eyes start to bleed. Throw a bunch of scorpions on her and eat a centipede."

"It seems as though the critics were right. Marriage IS hell."

"Poor Jim Ryan, he died three times."

"Thousands of clowns were released back into the wild after the circus they were travelling in hit a mouse on the highway"

"Fake Spanish Times: Muchos Clownos marchos le Cityos Mexicas e governmentos notas le existeantos."

"The Bush Administration arriving in Mexico City."

"Oh this is so comfy, this pelican is soo nice I could really get used to thi...Oh my God, i've just been eaten!!!"

"The ref helps Defoe prepare the meal as the other players are called for their dinner."

"Defoe is shocked and slightly miffed that the ref put a stop to his dinner. "

"Defoe took his managers words too literally when he told him he could have Mascherano for dinner."

"The Brazilian players return home from the World Cup to a mixed reaction."

"Britain is already deep in training as it was announced that synchronised eating will be a sport at the next Olympics."

"The girls seemed amused that someone stuck a magnet on the ceiling. "

"Rhymefest congratulates his friend on stealing Bob Marleys hat, Xzibits face and the Popes umbrella."

"Rhymefest was pleased to receive a bulletproof umbrella to protect him from Camerons machinegun-like verbal abuse."

"Rhymefest was delighted that he finally got to meet his boyhood hero David Cameron."

"The 'World Standing Still In Robes Under A Blue Blimp' finals took place at Stonehenge this year."

"A group of druids try to determine why a pile of stones was built under a blimp."

“A good competition, but to be honest Otterfox strolled to victory with this v funny, v clever play on words that had a realistic feel and titters throughout - Well Done Fella. I had a shortlist of 14 from this and there were some good sketches which made up for the usual slightly troubling sexual fantasies that people send in as their entries. I loved the second half of the 2 Pigs in a bar sketch and the one liner for Quick Gossip. I also liked Crossed Wires for the fact it held the joke throughout. Special mentions as well for the stktches Hot Gossip, A Guinea Pigs' Tail and Evil Twin 2.”   (4Laughs_...)