“Good reveal gag, would've have benefited from a slightly less dead-pan delivery I think.”   (tim_sear...)

“Could've done with him being more drunk?”   (tim_sear...)

"I looked over Jordan , and what did I see .... coming for to carry me home ..."

"All this game requires is a steady hand"

"Keen to impress Wayne with their knowledge of the English game, they'd arranged a trip round their school for blind refs"

"A customer announcement this is: please for security purposes leave not any unattended weapons or destroyed they will be"

"Okay, now we've beamed down, how do we set phasers on stunning again?"

"This is not what I meant when I said it's time we moved on a stage!"

"Ho yus, these rock stars are much more useful than dogs for sniffing out substances in unattended bags"

"Since when did we have Frumpy Spice?"

"It might work but I still think Geri has the world on her shoulders"

"Flagging? Us?"

"No son, it's simple - two yellows and he's off mate. It's not ruddy scientology is it!"

" 2012 London Olympics logo"

"Funny, I'm sure it only used to take two strong men to carry this!"

"I think it's called a why-pod"

"I know we all lean different ways but which one of us should play the straight man d'you think?"

"I can probably find you someone to do a neater whitewash job than that though guys"

"His chances of pulling went from 4-1 to about 1 in a million when he started talking about his new plasma screen TV"

"His chances of pulling went from 4-1 to about 1 in a million when he started talking about his new plasma screen T"

"Meeting up after so long through friends reunited left them with little to talk about after their first crushing embrace"

"Yeah we're Serbians, the Isle of Serbos buddy, got a problem with that?"

"I know I'm on fire tonight! ... What do you mean 'turn your head down to gas mark 3'?"

"Rule 1. Swearing at the judges and needing help to stand will result in stand-up contestants being ejected "

"Condoleeza pulled out all the stops to give him a good American razamatazz send-off"

"No- get back! I won't let you read what it says on the other side."

"Is that really Gordon Brown?"

"Just in case anyone noticed the lack of his own reflection, Gordon quietly tried to hide the mirror up his jacket"

"So through Labour's minimum income guarantee, no stolen children will have to wear rags in the Chitty Bang Bang remake"

"Shakespeare for American audiences: Hamlet, Helmet, whatever."

"We regret to announce a 7 hour delay on flight V99. This is due to a problem with the plane wash."

"WW2 had created prosthetic shortages so surgeons used whatever they could find. Capt. 0 Legs became Capt.Lego"

"Brownies help a man with the world on his shoulders to cross the road."

"Tina desperately hoped the other cult members wouldn't notice she'd left her sacred ball at home. The penalty was death."

“Midgetgems' delightful observation of the 'Space Hopper-less' lady at the front was turned into quite a surreal and barmby caption victory; his first win since the first ever 4Laughs caption comp. Well done, sir!”   (cnorman)

"Lads not really understanding the 'strictly' part of ballroom."

"This is what happens when you sweep problem boyfriends under the carpet"

"The best technique for rescuing someone from dangerous quick parquet"

"Not only are 4-legged alien caesarians rare in males; nesting in village halls and camera posing is highly unusual."

"Having been in the job for far too long, Cupid begins to feel there must be more to life."

"3...2...1... and foot OFF the hose."

"Now Bill and Ben are all grown up they like to share a little Weed with their friends "

"I'm afraid your pants have run in the wash boys"

"Socio-psychologists say men are well adapted to ignoring household chores and prefer to focus on more useful roles"

"Amanda was having such fun until somebody shouted 'Look out for that bag on the back!'"

"Tour De France leader suspected of having accomplice"

"Outside the tardis Mr Neanderthal was saddened by the lack of progress yet happy to receive a freebie to show his pals "

"I'm sorry okay. Victoria doesn't eat that much so there's only so many coupons I can collect for schools."

"So we'll drink a toast to the old scoundrel before we lay him to rest with his beloved ashtray ... To Ken!"

"It wasn't only the fire door that had to be kept shut"

"Charles raised a total of 7p from shoppers with his rendition of 'My Way' "

"The lobster stand-up comedian managed to get away with a few bisque puns"

"'Please, sing Save All Your Kisses For Me one more time' (I must run as fast as my little lobster legs will carry me!)"

"The scientists tried their best to free her but there was no resisting the alien's spaghetti-like grip"

"... and we think we've discovered a way of encouraging people to get more interested in sprouts too ..."

"Comin' through! Two more guests bored rigid by the whole ceremony."

"This week's spot the windsurf board comp is a real toughie"

"The perils of roller skating with bubblegum"

"The perils of roller skating with bubblegum"

"We da mob, we no like awaiting for pizza. You no mess with us. You delivery boy sure gonna be one noivous rabbit. See!"

"Bingedrinkinghappyslapdamselindistressatroadsidepics.com"

"The winners of English Rock legends are ... Peters & Lee!"

"G'day, thanks for calling Loans for Mugs. Calls cost $25/minute and I'm sorry, all our operators are busy at the moment"

"Haribo mix for sharks"

"Welcome to the land of milk, honey ... I'm Llewellyn here isn'it"

"You said you wanted me to treat you properly - it's only a bit of Ronseal"

"After a little experimentation, Foxy discovers the perfect way to properly treat a girl ... Ronseal"

"No Mr Lugner, the letters do not read ZCQFI ... I'm afraid I have some bad news for you."

"Concern over falling educational standards as descendants of Dickens characters collect their primary school awards"

"Is George Galloway about? I'm so glad he showed us how to get on hands and knees to make these aren't you?"

"And for stealing church property I would like you to say three Hail Marys but please, not out loud okay?"

"Along the cubicles there is dismay that the 'looks like a girl' award went to someone who didn't even make the effort"

"Never trust a plumber who 'listens' for pipes before drilling"

"Mrs Arbuthnot spared the champ's blushes by quickly consuming the last pie on his behalf"

"The microphone theft was only foiled by the newly installed glass doors"

"As Rolf was sucked into the green vortex he was heard to shout ' Here! My last Rolo! Guard it well!'"

"Jeremy Paxman unconcerned as BBC recruit newbie staff to sex up political reporting. "

"Up on the roof, the weather forecaster tries to convince us it's going to brighten up later"

"Sadly the witch's powers weren't strong enough to get the dyslexic cat to sit on her shoulder as it blurred contentedly"

"Ah, youth culture ... what to do?... Oh yes, impress them with my bluetooth headset ... 'Yo babe, I'm just in a meeting'"

"The parish choir of St Geldofs shocks villagers by turning Gospel"

"BB contestants rehearse for the guaranteed prize of stand-in bitparts in the D-movie 'King Kong v. The Ninja Turtles'"

"'Ere, time...big ben chime ...cockney rhyme ... fashion crime see ?"

"So-ho-ho, apart from Johnson's beard problem any other obvious giveaways?"

"You may well look nervous. It's bad enough with one wife but you got a rocky marriage with two sweetie!"

"Ow! Still bloody hot! Does the insurance cover midget aliens burning holes on one carpet square?"

"This year's hot Christmas game is launched: Cowpat-Paper Scissors-Rock 'n' roll"

"Since he gave up smoking, Kevin never quite knows what to do with his arms"

"Just before he turns and runs in a scene from a John Prescott nightmare"

"Tune in next week to find out which one will win ' I'm a penguin, get me out of here!'"

"See? We very Zen together; I one-handed clap and you one-legged ... well one-legged person falling in forest"

"Cousin of boy born in Alabama with Banjo on Knee Syndrome reaches Christmas No.1 with 'Who ate all the pies?'"

"Altogether now ... 'Frosty the one-legged snowman...'"

"You call me frigid darling but really, I see you as half man, half snowman."

"No I'm not that sort of a dealer mate, try the next bloke along"

"Wikipedia update: 'Control freak' see above."

"Press 3 ... thankyou ...all our operators are busy at the moment, please hold .... you are ... 98th ... in the queue"

"Dine and Ites settle dine for the night in Chelsea"

"After the 5-0 away thrashing ,the hotel manager showed his team mates where he'd been all afternoon"

"Having lost his sword, the Elvis impersonator resorts to shooting elastic bands"

"First doctor to clone himself says, ' It all went very well apart from the glasses problem'"

"A man from yesterday's caption competition turns up late"

"Luvvie classes Step 1: The greeting"

"As they try to move in without arousing suspicion, one of the men in white coats blows their cover"

"Insurance workers dismissed for 'unethical behaviour'"

"Believe we're real or we do ya"

"Darling, you should get one of these!"

"Dear Emir ... where can I get a big throne like yours? "

"Dear Emir ...please come to my ... coronation party ... on the ..."

"A Loan Shark gets lucky"

"I said ... YOU JUST TURN THE VOLUME UP HERE! ALL RIGHT?"

"Bank staff demonstrate the evolutionary process of taking out a loan"

"Bouncers escort two known drug abusers from the club"

"As the drugs wore off, the lab rats realised they'd been stitched up"

"Superheroes becoming a problem? Get the K-Tel SpiderSwat today! (Colour may vary from illustration)"

"Some women and children on board didn't quite appreciate how serious an iceberg hit was and took their time to evacuate"

"Now , when I tap the dashboard like this we'll have an emergency stop please - Oh! See-through airbag! Sorry ."

"Yeah, the Gents is upstairs mate."

"Ok then I'll pick the gawky kid in specs"

"Egg hits Blair as riot police"

"Delusions of grandeur?"

"Head clanging?"

"An authentic medieval xmas recipe"

"So go on, try new Head-on -Shoulders, you'd be surprised at the looks you get"

"Okay dial now ... be that next caller to Quizcall and tell me ... how many bags do you see? It's that simple. C'mon."

"The hymn singing at the funeral goes well until Mr Reaper asks for 'Oops I did it again'"

"Riverdance routine wows the Irish voters"

"Locals at the Clumpton-on Sea Annual Scouts talent show suspect the prizegiving is rigged in favour of outsiders"

"Me too much Tomazopan ... You Jane?"

"Kevin Costner's Royal premiere of 'X-ray Ted's Dancing Gals' went down well with some."

"And the white spot is so that one can turn a blind eye to everything is it?"

"Specsavers 2 for 1 offer! Conditions apply: One customer per prescription pair only"

"Passengers on the Jubilee line notice a station that wasn't there yesterday"

"Police test out their new sirens"

"2106: The evolution of football. (Norwich v. Leicester City)"

"In an effort to attract new business British Airways unveil the new uniforms for cabin staff."

"Barbie would have given Action Man swimming trunks for his birthday if she'd known he was allergic to fur."

"The Good, The Bad & the Ugly - you decide"

"Minister denies avian flu a problem for humans"

"Yes M'Lady,I'm sorry, it ought to be me taking you home"

"Lack of sleep begins to affect some junior doctors"

"Grimsby 2006"

"The world's getting too serious, people are dying"

"Well you get a choice of white or grey"

"Mrs Chang and her father relax in the knowledge that undercover cops are are on patrol"

"Don't pick your scabs love"

"We've been married 10 minutes and have the scars to prove it"

"Darling, photo first - sushi in a minute."

"Okay.okay, I'll sign it 'to the incredible hulk' and then we can get on with the gig yeah?"

"Come on Wonderboy, you're going to have to get your quick change a bit slicker if you want people to believe in you "

"Little did he know that in Lithuanian sign language it meant ' I accept your entire family can live with us too'"

"Yes please, one sick bag for the lady here please"

"And ... this is the way we floss our teeth, floss our teeth, floss our teeth"

"A'right geez? I lead the new world order if you fancy joining us before the old armageddon like. It's not a cult, honest"

"Chittybangbang's childcatcher celebrates his new makeover courtesy of Creepypervs.com"

"Yeah, cheers, a little more orphan repellent over here please"

"See, I just pull the strings like this and she moves left"

"Thanks! I'm delighted to be overall winner at this year's clothes show."

"Hellooo...Anyone about?"

"Thanks Trinny & Susannah!"

"What do you mean we frighten you kids plural? There's only one of you left ... a-ha-haaaaargh! "

"What do we want? More custard! When do we want it? Now?"

"Country pelicans, take me home, to the place, I belong ..."

"Well what do you expect if you fly around with your beak open?"

"The new in-flight GPRS system for birds"

"It's yours for a small deposit. Gaaargh! Not that sort of deposit!"

"Aah! Fresh air at last!"

"RIP legendary pianist"

"Searchlights! As soon as we hit the beach, Go!Go! Go!"

"Relax man, nobody will notice. Same time next week yeah?"

"Stevie Wonder! My man!"

"Put the umbrella down - it's do-si-doh your partner next"

"Welcome to PC England. No-one can say anything bro! "

"Test paint's almost dry love"

"And furthermore, WHEN we return, we expect it to be finished you bunch of slackers"

"Once we get it upright again, it'll become immediately obvious that it was really the inspiration for the London Eye"

"You can't get any privacy when you want to do the old human sacrifice thing can you."

"Well Time Detectives, it was a nice theory but it seems the granite was just that bit heavier all those years ago"

"If the spirits are not pleased with your offering of a shrubbery they will make it plain"

"It'll be more fun when we're married"

"If the spirits are not pleased with your offering of a shrubbery they will make it plain"

"You're new to these kind of rituals aren't you"

"Motty: Well, while the national anthems go on let's remind you of the work that went into building this new Wembley"

"You never told me you were a Lost fan, hang on, I'll join you - it's not as though anyone's actually watching this"

"Come on! The overture's almost finished! It's curtains up!"

"Vodka ... check ... Ejector seat .... check ... Ready!"

"The attempt to start a rival United Nations suffers a blow when one delegate walks out"

"No ... down a bit ... shine it on the table!"

"Mate! I'm sorry. But you are my bestest mate. Oh come on, just have one with me mate ... mate! Don't be like that."

"Chess? I thought it was speed dating"

"Look! Hang on, hang on, I can do a rabbit as well"

"Hmph! Turning invisible; is kind of standard. If you want really to be spy you have be able to handle vodka. "

"I've started so I ... haven't you finished in there?"

"Hmm,interesting routine. Now, tell us why you think you'd be right for a part in Oliver Poppins"

"Are you sure you can protect the world with just that? They look quite nasty aliens to me."

"No I found him floating in the river, I was just going to put him back officer, honest."

"I wish we animal rights people didn't have to be veggie, it'd be so much easier to break this"

"When estate agents completely lose the plot"

"Welcome to How Brown is your house?"

"Sure there are cranks but I'm here to protect you. If you see a red laser light, get down."

"Well y'know, my most demanding role yet has been to play a real woman. That's kinda hard for a cardboard cut-out."

"Ooh, pinch it again, nobody will notice."

"Some stag night - a dullogram"

"I wish we had parties like the couple next door"

"24hrs on -Where did it all go wrong?"

“Not only was Midgetgems entry funny; it also told a story and that's what we're looking for in our story-board comp! It's a tough call, but the best entries are the ones which link the images together - and that's exactly what Midgetgems achieved!”   (davina_e...)

"Oh don't worry I'm the best plastic surgeon in practice - and I've had some practice believe me."

"For the first time since 1980 please welcome back the choir of St Winifred's singing There's no-one quite like Grandma!!"

“We were spoilt for choice with Midgetgems' fantastic caption entries. We eventually opted for this one because of the twisted way in which he managed to take a bunch of singing innocents and transform them into a band of gimps. Well done.”   (davina_e...)

"Now before you look at your living room, just tell us what it was like before"

"Tonight on Shards in Your Eyes, Ozzy IS Elton John!"

"See? Perfect! Okay we've only got three more sets of the blonde hair extensions left so do get dialling now."

"Keep walking, this part of Edinburgh is renowned for its aggressive mime artists"

"And the winner of Blind Make-up Artist of the year is ..."

"And the winner of the Michael Jackson lookalike is..."

"I gon't wonk to go gack in the gox"

“Very funny. Short, simple and with a a laugh”   (4Laughs_...)

“We chose Midgetgems 'Trench foot' for its original take on both the mental health theme and 'dark humour' genre. It was certainly 'dark,' being based in the World War amongst bombs and severed limbs, yet still retained a a childlike mirth. The mental health theme wasn't as pronounced as the some of the other entries, yet bubbled almost hysterically under the surface, climaxing in a good old punchline. The next challenge is for someone to film it!! ”   (davina_e...)