PROFILE

"Rooney tried to hide his delighted as LustForLeith submitted a caption for this pic with no mention of The Matrix."

"Rooney regreats joking when asked if he'd swallowed anything suspicious "Only Coolen's toast.""

"Rooney models Coolens latest line in man boob bras."

"You wait for ages on an inter-gallactic evil henchman to arrive at a train station and two turn up at the same time."

"The geeks who wore sci fi outfits while trainspotting made an exhibition of themselves."

"Super trooper beams are gonna blind me but I won't feel blue as I always do waiting on the choo choo ."

"I can't stop scratching my helmet in public."

"The trainspotters stopped off after sci fi convention hoping no one would call them geeks."

"Those platform boots were out of date."

"Some took dress down Friday to serious."

"Due to a couple of storms, the 8.24 to Bath was delayed."

"Lily Allen's comedy Fringe turn raises a laugh with the kids."

"Lily Allen's comedy Fringe turn raises a laugh with the kids."

""But Cheryl Tweddy's my favourite...""

""What you talkin' bout Willis?""

"He was gutted that his mac wearing ventreloquist dummy always got more laughs than he did."

"Thankfully, his wife never got around to sewing the hole in his trouser pocket."

""My wife's got one like that. A funny colour thats always around her bum. And she's got that bag too.""

"Big Issue sellers started to get aggresive in their approach of trying to punt the mag."

"Bird watcher spots some blue tits while the girls moan about the cold summer."

""That reminds me, my wife wants to go to Brazil to watch blue tits and for the craik.""

"Fears were expressed that women were terrible at gambling and were all losing their shirts."

"The Emperor managed to release a line in womens clothes."

"And to think he was told it was bad luck if he stood on the crack of a pavement."

""Harry, your a wizard. Do you have a hare up your sleeze?" "Why, are you bored of being ginger?""

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Ga do do do, push pineapple shake the tree."

"Potter stars get carpetted after getting caught drawing their names in wet cement."

"Shaggy, Fred and Daphanie couldn't escape the glass cage in the latest installment of Scobby Doo."

"The auditions for the role of Toulose Lautrec brought some fresh faced wannabies."

"English WAGS got worried with the news Wembley was filled with pussy. "

"The mediums got off to a good start by asking the thousands at Wembley if anyone knew a John on the other side."

"Manchester United got stick from parents for revelaing yet another strip at Wembley."

"They soon regretted having a curry included in their rider."

"Freak weather condictions leave Pricne Charles growing another foot."

"Prince Charles, after being besieged by oars, had some explaining to do to Camilla."

""You'll never beleive who I had in the back of my dinghy the other day.""

"Prince Charming. Ridicule is nothing to be scared of."

"Gallagher's been ripped off - that bag ain't worth two coppers."

"Officers find an unruly bush and beleive Liam Gallagher planted it."

"Gallagher couldn't beleive his luck getting his photo taken with Gareth Hale and Alan Curbishley"

"It took awhile but the fashion police finally caught up with Liam Gallagher"

"David Walliams does a Little Britain sketch to Prince Williams shoulder."

"Harry takes offense to Mark Owen telling the Princes he just spent the night in Chelsea."

"With the see through shirts, it was hard not to spot a couple of tits. Or Howards nipples."

"Barlow makes sure the fashion fight ends in a tie."

""Harry, think we've found two of the people who've stolen Grannies wardrobe.""

""So who went with Lule?""

"Will from TFI Friday tells another anecdote about best chum Chris Evans to Gary Barlows shoulder."

"Proof that Geri loves going down under."

"Mel C hopes Geri doesn't realise her shoe is stuck in a tram line."

"The Spice Girls wangled cameos in the big screen version of The Prisoner."

"Flags Of Our Fathers - The Musical hit broadway."

"Denmark were to be represented in next years Eurovision by five badly dressed transvetites."

"Having lived in California, Arnie finds it hard to beleive there's still children with ginger hair."

"The staff at The Disney Shop were relentless in their pursuit of sales."

"Arnie can't beleive it when he overhears that Henman won a match at WImbeldon."

"Muddy Waters always pulled a crowd at Glastonbury."

"Muddy Waters always pulled a crowd at Glastonbury."

"The violence made festival goers feeling in tents."

"Piggy had enough of taking a beating on Lord Of The Flies and was determined to get his own back."

"The new series of Lost kicked off with an explosive episode."

"Preston couldn't hear her over the crowd, so Chantelle showed him how many hot dogs she wanted."

"The big budget for Fresh Fields ment they drafted in some star cameos, much to Esthers delight."

"Katie Holmes warsn Brooklyn not to mock hubby Tom Cruise about his height."

"Darius always liked to study the match programme whenever he went to a game."

"The girls couldn't beleive a wardrobe malfunction meant people could see their lips through their pants"

"The orgainsers of Spot The Ball tried to jazz up the competition."

""And then in my dream, not only was I just wearing my pants but I had my school football trainers on as well.""

"The outfits were the final straw for Liam who refused to appear on the cover of "Whats The Story Morning Glory.""

"Evidence of the artwork that Oasis turned down for "Whats The Story Morning Glory"."

"All he told him was the he could see his bra."

""I'm the greatest villain bra none.""

"Idle regrets rubbing the lamp and asking the genie to get him someone in a gimp bask to blow him away."

""I warned you I've had enough of people asking me to do the dead parrot sketch.""

"Someone else gets borad of Gervais's stories of celeb pals."

"Bruce Forsythe lost the plot when Gervais didn't take Strickly Come Dancing serious."

"Gervais encounters someone else who wasn't best pleased with the episode of The SImpsons he wrote."

""Now cough!""

"Willy Wonka installed cake benches in his chocolate factoyr, much to the delight of a couple of visitors."

""Oi, cake hole!""

"The taxidermist regreated asking if the pig should be mounted. "

"Kermit failied to pay the ransom, much to Miss Piggy's dissapointment "

"They didn't have the heart to tell him his choice in lovers was offal."

"It took four strapping men to lift Jordan by here carrige."

"An to think, orgainsers turned this down as the symbol of the London 2012 Olympics."

"Jordan gets drawn into the argument of wether she shops at Harrods."

""Look at the boobs on that! They're bigger than Jordan's!""

""I'm in The Doors!" shout many as world sexiest groupie form the 60's is reminded she was only to blow the bloody doors."

""Do you know there's a thosand guitarists in a field?" "No but if you hum it I'll join in.""

"These people were instrumental in the rise in guitar sales."

"Rumours of Pete Doherty smuggling illigal substances into Glastonbury through guitars were unproven."

"With no guitars left, the mission to make sure James Blunt couldn't torture anyone with music was a success."

"While not between a rock and a hard place, members of Monty Python still found themselves in a tight spot."

"The first choice for Mount Rushmore wasn't a group of presidents."

"They took up Vera Lynn's offer of meeting at the White CLiffs of Dover."

"The Milk Tray man had to make allowances when he heard the lady wanted some minstrals."

“We've got to give it up for LustForLeith, this caption entry was ace! To make reference to both the regalia of Cleese AND the rest of the Monty Python team and still come up with a gag was fantastic! For his efforts Lusty's bagged himself a copy of Monty Python's Flying Circus Season Three. Well done sir, well done. ”   (cnorman)

"After a night on the tiles, Eric Idle was left feeling a little ruff."

"Robbie rejoined Take Take on the condiction that he didn't have to wear fancy dres, just his favourite suit."

""Right, who superglued me hands to me knees?" "I was going to ask who superglued you to my wrist.""

"The National Lottery succomb to public pressure and liven up proceddings by issuing the balls in a new manner."

"Becks' fasion mistake of white socks makes McCalren chuckle."

"John Terry went to Disneyland for his holiday and cam back with a Steve McLaren watch."

"The efforts of Blair made sure the game ended a tie."

"Dennis Bergkamp was unimpressed with his partner in new telly show Celebrity Badminton Doubles."

"Blair found it hard to settle into a normal life. He was used to others swatting insects for him."

"Prime Minister caught with strangers trying to catch cock shock. "

"Blair was determined not to be beaten in front of some kids. Especially against David Blunkett."