Comedy Ladder Position: 22=
Points: 12
Hello.
I've just deleted most of my last profile cos I realised I was stupidly drunk when I typed it and, whilst it must've seemed hilarious at the time, it really doesn't actually make any sense whatsoever. The thing is, I can't actually think of anything to put in it's place so this'll have to do. Sorry about that but really, am I only here to amuse you people? What? Oh.
It seems I'm a bit of a veteran round these parts and I really couldn't recommend it enough. Well I could but it'd be a bit much effort.
My spurious claim to fame is in winning £250 in one of 4Laughs' Send-a-Sketch competitions last year, thereby boosting my lifetime comedy earnings to date, to the total of £250.
Anyway, I have (with a little help from my friends) a little blog site set up called Yesterday's Knews. It's supposed to be an amusing take on topical subjects - might be worth wasting a minute or two on if you're bored?. Also, It's now (kind of) officially recommended by 4laughs so why not come along and have a peek?
Anyway, that's enough from me.
Cheers
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"Revealed : Shocking pictorial evidence of the Catholic Church's treatment of errant altar boys."
"It looks like the new EU Health & Safety conker rules have gone a bit too far."
"National shame ensues as Sir Bobby Charlton is caught playing with a man's conkers. "
"And all these are just to carry Colleen's hand luggage!"
"The crowds were out in force to meet the stars at the Seoul premiere of Shrek the Third."
"Rooney hired extra security for Colleen after hearing that some Koreans eat dogs."
"Mr Potato Head's world tour reaches Korea."
"They might have gone a bit far with Star Wars mercandise with the Empire Train Station. "
"Trooper1"At least we've not come as Princess Leia like that freak over there" 2"Thats just a man wearing headphones.""
"Looks like the new Home Secretary's not messing about after the latest terror alert. "
"Arnie's got some real competition in this year's Celebrity Pied Piper contest."
"Arnie's got some real competition in this year's Celebrity Piped Piper contest. "
"On his first day in his new job as a teacher, Tony is shown around by Conan The Librarian."
"Looks like Arnie got first pick for the junior basketball game."
"Exclusive shot of the re-united Spice Girls new video, featuring Jimmy Saville on the sink-plunger."
"This is the reason why Bill Bailey never got asked to write another episode of The Bill."
"Somerset's answer to The Pussycat Dolls leaves pop-pickers rather underwhelmed."
"Didn't I see this in The Sun? "Cops Out To Nick the Knicker Nicker"."
"Apparently, the Captain prefers Catherine Tate. Ricky does seem to look a little "bovvered"."
"Looks like living on a diet of deep-fried Mars bars and Irn Bru isn't too conducive to breath freshness."
"Ricky's impression of Ribena was so good, the Sgt tried to drink him."
"Ricky is devastated to hear that Jonathan Ross can't meet for tea and cakes."
"Exclusive shot of the mythical pilot episode of Blackadder starring Roy Orbison."
"Graham: "Well, that's the last time I ask the dog what to wear around my neck!""
"If David Lynch were to launch a boy band they might look like this..."
"Roy Orbison succeeds in re-forming the Travelling Wilburys in heaven (or maybe hell?)"
"Scandal in Westminster as the PM is secretly filmed playing with his (shuttle)cock in front of a group of young lads."
"As he needs a new job soon, Tony was relieved to hear he'd landed the title role in the All-New Brittas Empire."
"The chef could'nt decide which to make so went with a cake AND a tart."
"Don't think Michael Barrymore will be too impressed with his birthday cake this year."
"Call the UN! Serbia are unleashing a new crime against humanity."
"Who could have guessed that Jimmy Krankie would end up as an Eastern European pimp? "
"Row-land worked up such an appetitie with all the singing that he thought the mic was an ice cream."
"The prison welcoming committee get ready for Paris Hilton's entrance."
"Penfold steps out of the shadows and proves that Dangermouse isn't the only stud in British small animal intelligence."
"A rare opportunity to look inside the mind of John Prescott."
"The Isle of Man's first ever boyband are unveiled."
"Looks like Pete Doherty's had some input into Kate Moss's new Topshop collection."
"Branson proves beyond all doubt that he's the world's biggest Dick."
"Police believe they may have a lead on the National History Museum's missing dinosaur boll*ck."
"Indy finally realised he'd have to go to the doctors and get that pile removed."
"Well I've lived next door to a nuclear reactor all my life and it's never done me any harm."
"Tragically Sezer from last year's Big Brother was reduced to wrestling comics with bad t-shirts to make ends meet."
"The Mitchell & Webb version of Alien wasn't quite as scary as the original."
"Blimey, Michael Jackson's shrunk a bit hasn't he?"
"Art fans throughout Washington DC are heard uniting in collective disappointment. "Yoko? Oh no!""
"Yoko explains that she's already had enough wishes for Mark Chapman to have been half-a-yard off target."
"They sat transfixed, as Dot Cotton performed an explicit striptease."
"Butler 1: "Just smile, we're doing it for the big C". Butler 2: "That's no way to talk about Lady Victoria!""
"Well if this doesn't finally cure cancer, then I don't know what will..."
"New Vitamin C diet is launched in a blaze of PR glory: "Avoid scurvy with Victoria Hervey"."
"Can't imagine five portions of this a day being very good for your health!"
"Can't imagine five portions of this a day being very good for your health!"
"On the set of Jeeves & Wooster Go To San Francisco."
"The Russell T Davies remake of Upstairs Downstairs may upset a few traditionalists."
"If you listen closely you can hear Dale Winton kicking himself for turning this job down."
"The loser-shortage in Ireland had got so bad, they had to import some urgently."
"C3PO's serious drink problem finally became public knowledge."
“DiamondDave makes a glorious comeback to 4Laughs with a great caption. The standard of this comp was immense, so Dave, give yourself a pat on the back! ” (cnorman)
"Hannibal Lecter's packed lunch arrives."
"We can all see what DVD box-set the Orange Lodge were given this Christmas."
"They got well and truly tooled up for this year's Gay Pride March."
"George Lucas was guest of honour at the inaugural Geek Olympics."
"Walliams had to kiss a lot of frogs during his cross Channel swim before Lucas could find his Prince Charming."
"Kev was delighted to finally get a lad in. "
"Matt and Kev wait patiently to hear the news theyre eagerly awaiting "He's behind you!""
"And Wills thought James Hewitt was a tosser!"
""What's that chief?24 hours to crack the case or you want my badge?Oh hang on a mo, Im not a cop Im just a yuppie dick.""
"Wills meets the guys who seemingly put the 'hand' in ICAP."
"Wills finds that phone sex chats aren't as much fun when you listen to them third-hand."
"At last its revealed who voted for Zara Phillips to win Sports Personality of the Year."
“DiamondDave dons his Inspector Clouseau trilby to solve the mystery of Sports Personality of the year...with hilarious consequences! ” (cnorman)
"Thierry models Tommy Hilfiger's new range called simply "The Clarkson"."
"Exclusive shots of this year's 'Idiots Try To Make Themselves Fly Like Birds Convention'."
"They may possibly have taken too many drugs."
"At the audition for Titanic 2 - The Revenge, they all wannabe the king of the world."
"Jeffrey proves he has probably the funniest B.O in the world."
"There's a perfectly simple explanation for this. They're Americans."
"These new virtual crucifixions are proving very popular."
"Charlie tries to break the ice with one of his dad's best gags : "Anyway, there was this Nigerian.......""
"The Prince & Emir are read the winning entries to the 4laughs Surreal Script comp with predictable results."
"Charles : "Don't fancy yours much Emir!""
"Charles : "Don't fancy yours much Emir!""
"The Emir can't bear to look as Charles threatens to do his Full Monty dance again."
"George must've mis-understood the offer of a large portion of hot pot."
"George had to use the crowded Ladies' loos. For some reason they didnt want him in the Gents'."
"Oh come on! Isn't Corrie camp enough already?"
"Corrie bosses look to bring in new blood to up the butch, masculinity quotient."
"Newcastle fans were wondering what happened to Emre."
"An exclusive glimpse inside the mind of Peter Stringfellow."
"Like most teenage boys, he couldn't help getting the horn."
"Kid: "At least if I die, the 4laughs team will have got a fitting Sex Pistols-themed title for their caption comp.""
"Looks like Herve Villechaize has fallen on hard times."
"Louis to Sharon "Blimey! Vic Reeves has put on weight hasn't he?""
"Suddenly Louis gets a vision of what Eton Road will look like in 20 years."
""Isn't that a hand in a card game, 4 queens?" "Poker?" "Well I dunno what Ozzy would say!""
"Sharon and Louis look to replace Simon Cowell with someone slightly less camp for next week's X Factor."
"Scandal as Jacko is seen out on the town with a naked Sooty."
"Jacko is oblivious to the fact that his glove puppet has been nicked on the flight over."
"With his brothers otherwise engaged, Jacko roped in some middle-managers for the UK leg of the Jackson 5 reunion tour."
"Arnie O'Schwartzenegger went all out for the Irish vote."
"In the 'Great Composers' round on Give Us A Clue, Arnie announces joyously "I'll be Bach!""
"Brian: "Heard you're a good golfer.Fancy a game?" Alice: "What's your handicap?" Bri: "Well I look a bit like a poodle.""
