"Potter and chums took part in a training exercise with the British Royal Navy on how to deal with enemy attack."

"Girls Aloud took top marks in the Monty Python comp with a stunning reprisal of the 'My Brain hurts' sketch.'"

"Only one of the coppers had to check if he was hard enough."

"This team had to pull out as Eberneezer Scrooge withdrew his sponsorship."

"Suzanne said she needed a man to hold on and got more than she bargained for."

"Oscar was at first pleased he wouldn't be the subject of any knob gags on 4Laughs then dishearened when he realised why."

"Jade, Danielle, Jo and Jackiey formed a cunning plan to go out and about in public again."

""Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses; send the homeless tempest-tossed... but please not the Beckhams!"

"Man U's new strip proved very poular with the fans."

"Norman Pace's TV comeback - sadly the stakes had never been lower. "

"What Brittany really wanted was a cockatoo but had to settle for a pair of penguins."

"Did somebody say cheese?"

"Tom was furious that yet again his staff had forgotten his cushions to sit on. "

"Admitting to being a sex addict Chris N vowed to take one step at a time on the road to recovery."

"The undercover reporter at the BNP rally was quickly spotted."

"In a bold attempt to distance themselves from the veil debacle. Saudi Airlines reveal their new air stewardess uniforms."

"Rod Stewarts interviews for a new PA went on longer than expected."

"For once the biggest number of tits in one room award doesn't go to the House of Commons."

"Fired by FOX Tom Cruise decides he needs a new career and is training to bull fight with the use of minature ponies. "

"Unfortunately nobody wanted to give Michael a high five. "

"Photo evidence of who really pushed Phill Collins off the stage at this years MTV awards."

"Michael waited for hours for someone to high five him."

"The rest of the team were put out to disocver that the Holy Grail had been on Graham Chapman's head the whole time."

"Wot no spam!????"

"The peoples front of Judea wonder how Brian, if he is not the Messiah, can make the top half of his head dissapear."

"Alice sings and Brian May."

"Brian May regrets now not returning Anita Dobson's wig to the EastEnders props store."

"Betty was less than pleased, she knew what usually happened when Phil put his beer goggles on. "

"Phillip enjoyed the pole dance a tad more than his wife did."

"Should have gone to specsavers."

"Paul Macartney was dissapointed not be included in the new line up of WIngs."

"Kylie celebrates her return to good elf. "

"Girl: Hey Big Ears! Where's Noddy?"

"Man: Stop being so nosey."

"Girl: Where did you get that? Elephant: I won him at a fair."

"Hoa Ky no
i ho# co
thêm bng"

"Now thats the sort of buns I really want."

"Holby City has been crossed with the Bill... it's now Bullshity. "

"Okay it's just a shameless plug dammit. Get over it or we'll shoot your knackers off!"

"Okay who's ready for their shots?"

"Kate admires Pete's titfer whilst Pete just admires her tits. :)"

"Kate puts her nose for fashion to good use and admires Pete's top gear. "